The Eighth Page

New Student Profile: Sandy

On Monday, Sandy Spice ’13, a PG from the Gulf of Mexico, officially won the Senior superlatives of “Biggest Eye,” “Whitest Student,” “Most Unpredictable” and “Blown Andover for the Most.”

Since her arrival at the beginning of the year, Sandy’s really been blowing everyone away on campus. Even though nobody wants to get to know her, it sure doesn’t take her long to kick up a storm!

But don’t be fooled: this seemingly perfect student-school relationship is not all a breeze. Despite the mayor’s warning to “Hide yo kids, hide yo wife” to protect them from getting hit by Sandy, Andover kids showed their love for Sandy and did not shun her upon her arrival from the Gulf Coast.

In her defense, never before has a single student come so close to making JPalf almost consider cancelling school. Instead this storm has really (#) connected Andover.

Sandy is definitely a game changer. She inspired the creation of the first official publicly recognized secret society on campus: The PA Storm Team. Questions about how to join the Storm Team dominate the conversation of excluded faculty and hyper-wannabe students alike.

One source heard from another source that an unidentified member of the Storm Team said on Monday night that, “There is a 30 percent chance that it is already raining.”

In addition, Sandy’s arrival has caused an uprising as Andover children around campus mourn lost parent-child bonding time, the extra time for homework and the day-long ban on sports practices. In an uncanny turn of events, students have been forced to have “free time, ” a completely foreign concept.

Sandy has a unique emo style. She prefers darkness and a windblown look. The best thing about being friends with Sandy is that her cousins are even cooler than she is!

If she is a 1, then Irene is at least a 3, and her older cousin Andrew is at least a 5. And that’s not even with Andover goggles on! Sandy the Squirrel is a huge game changer on campus. Her connections with SpongeBob have already secured her an all paid vacation to Bikini Bottoms after her stint in New England.

This PG has taken PA by storm: she is definitely a force to be reckoned with.