The Eighth Page

Video Game of the Week (Because we, Farts and Pleasure, can’t think of a more creative title)

For the past two weeks, “Age of Empires III” has taken off at Andover. Given five out of five stars by, “Age of Empires III” combines role-playing and strategy, while shaping its player into a really lean, but not so mean, gaming machine. All in all, AEIII creates a completely new computer experience.

When asked about the game, avid gamer Connor Dark ’13, said, “It blows my mind. Never before have I felt closer to history than I do when playing with my colony of Ottoman Turks. It provides an intimate relationship with the history that just cannot be acquired any other way. It’s almost as if I’m there chopping wood and gathering food with the Turks.”

New gamer Reffinihc Gnal ’16 said, “I was never really into gaming before, but now I’m hooked. Any poser who uses the tutorial is soft; real men jump into skirmies and learn the way the old colonists did. That’s how my roommate Aldo Anything [’16] and I did it.”

Despite its immense success with students and some faculty, history teachers are beginning to resent the game. Professor Chris P. Nugget, Instructor and Chair in the History Department, spoke against the game.

“This game is in no way historically accurate and is a terrible waste of time. I’m sick of students thinking they no longer need to study or do my readings if they play this game. I’m tired of reading papers about how important it is to have a steady supply of wood and how one needs to have the ‘cojones’ to attack a stronger nation,” said Nugget.

Gene Poole, another Instructor in History, remarked that “the students need to learn that the path to victory is not to kill as many settlers as possible.”

Despite these belittling remarks, the popularity of “Age of Empires III” is still on the rise.

“I don’t care what the History Department has to say; a little part of me dies every time a villager is slain. Haters gonna hate, naw’ mean?” Maxwell, a student, said with a tear gently carving a path down his cheek. He proceeded to pour some of his SoBe lifewater on the ground in remembrance.

With such a passionate following, it is no surprise that AEIII is now becoming the #1 means of procrastination in prep schools across the nation. Take a peak into the room of the coolest kid in your dorm after sign-in this weekend and prepare to be amazed. And if you are lucky, get involved.