The Eighth Page

Field Freezes Over

Andover, the rumors are true: Christmas has come early, and by Christmas, we mean ice hockey season. By some sort of miracle that could only be performed by the likes of The Great One, the field hockey turf has frozen into a full-sized ice rink.

As expected, the field hockey team is thrilled with these chilly circumstances.

“This whole week has just been one big celly,” said Jessica Ryvlin ’13. “None of us actually like field hockey, but we couldn’t do anything about it while Babs was here. Now, with the new rink, we’re just itching to lace up and throw some sauce around.”

While most of the players have limited their displays of enthusiasm to exclusively wearing Fratagonias and beanie hats, a few Junior recruits have gone as far as putting on nearly 20 pounds for the ice hockey season. “We want people to know that we’re more than just puck bunnies,” said Kate Hogan ’16. “This is about dedication. And we really like Paresky Commons. A lot.”

Sports analysts have predicted that the rink will make this year’s hybrid field-ice hockey team one of the coldest in Andover history. With the added ice time, it is expected that the girls will have no trouble dangling bendies and sniping tendies.

Fortunately for the rest of the student body, the hockey team has decided that the new rink will be a chirp-free zone open to all members of the Andover community, with the stipulation that all instigation of gongshows is strictly prohibited.