The Eighth Page

Students Go Nuts Over Controversial Fall Ballet

While Andover’s decision to put on “The Nutcracker” was viewed by some as a way of bringing a community together, one group had an entirely different opinion. In particular, the Peanut Allergy Alliance (PAA) has fervently defended its belief that performing “The Nutcracker” is not only alienating but also makes light of the incredibly sensitive topic of nut-related safety. Angered because their protests have been ignored, PAA representatives have become more aggressive in the past few days. Acts of nut-related vandalism have been cropping up throughout the town of Andover since PAA’s formation. The nuts aisle of Whole Foods, and the large communal peanut-butter jar seem to be the epicenter of the recent mysterious behavior. PAA representatives argue that there is not enough substantial evidence to place blame on the coalition and that all apparent clues are circumstantial, according to the group’s legal counsel, Al Mondo PA ’72, who represents the group for a early payment of cashews. Several anonymous Andover students are part of PAA and have made demands for equality, according to reports obtained by Features. Some of their recommendations have been banning the consumption of all nuts and removing squirrels from campus (because, according to the representatives, they set a poor example for students). The proponents of these rules are adamant, according to the administration—some PAA members have even threatened to drop out of the school if their requests are not fulfilled. One unsuspecting Senior girl was bombarded with an investigation led by the Community Conduct Council and questioned by her Cluster Dean after an anonymous tip stated that she had intentionally ostracized a group of students. The charges against her were dropped when the PAA came forward and announced that the girl had used “nuts” as a synonym for “crazy,” the organization believes this is derogatory.