The Eighth Page

Lacrosse Season Preview

Welcome back, bros! How does the river flow? Hopefully like your sea salty hair after two weeks of mad chillin’ on the beaches of Panama City! I, Macked-out Matt, am here to provide you, my fellow laxers, a bangin’ preview of PA’s 2012 lax season. Get prepped and preppy for the insanely mega-chill events coming up!

The board of Andover’s Brociety has planned a kickin’ first Friday night showing of Blues Brothers, an educational film meant to provoke discussion on PA spirit and what being a bro means. None of us have seen the movie, but someone said it won a Grammy, which is 100 percent legit, right?

On April 28, after Deerfield tastes our brotality on the field, a bro-and-biddie-only dance will occur in Broden Gym. This domain, usually dominated by our tan, toned bods, will be opened to the finest of the fine for a night of strobes, blacklit Nikes and Steve Aoki remixes of Bob Marley.

As we flow through the term, the Brociety has teamed up with our Phillipian photobros for a rad brotoshoot. We figured by this event, on May 5, those spring break profile pictures you and your home bros took at a teen club in South Beach will be a little too “last month” for your biddie’s tastes. Just in time for summer mackin’, you’ll bring your mid-calves, Ray-Bans, and Great Lawn-broduced tans, and our brotographers will provide the dramatic lighting needed for a brofile pic fresh as the lax gods themselves.

The 2012 PA lax season will end on May 26 with a Brociety-sponsored pizza feast chiller than the demigod Jack Johnson and catered by none other than My Bro’s Pizza. Even though the season will technically be over, the lax mentality never stops; once you’ve caught the chillbug, the bro stays with you like that ultra ill spring break tattoo of the Japanese character for “flow” your mother will never see.