The Eighth Page

Features Prom Roast 2011

Jesse Bielasiak ’11 and Marilyn Hewett ’11

With Jesse’s sweet jawline beard and Marilyn’s tan, we’re looking at two studly candidates for Jersey Shore 2012.

Grade: 2

Ryan Yost ’11 and Melina Prentakis ’11

Can somebody please tell us why Yost is going to Prom with Yoon’s girlfriend?

Grade: 2

Ben Brodie ’11 and Hana Kim ’11

I wonder if anyone will notice that Brodie’s there.

Grade: 10 decibels

Tafarii McKenzie ’12 and Max Lippe ’11

Criiiiicket. Criiiicket.

Grade: (-;

Whitney Glick ’11 and Tim McLaughlin ’11

I heard Tim is juggling Whitney and a few other chicks at the moment.

Grade: 5

Audrey McMurtrie ’11 and Kennedy Edmonds ’12

Didn’t get asked to prom? Stay in the loop with Kennedy’s Facebook, Twitter and Myspace updates every two songs.

Grade: 6

Ben Podell ’11 and Alexis Dawkins ’10

Hopefully there’s not a forest next to Prom…

Grade: 420

Julia Zorthian ’11 and Adam Levine ’11

It’s no Phillipian room, but the dance floor will have to do.


Peter Lee-Kramer ’11 and Christina Peabody ‘11

At least they are legal.

Grade: 16

Cammy Brandfield-Harvey ’11 and Taylor Perkins ’12


Grade: Danger

Casey McQuillen ’11 and Jeb Roberts ’11

They’re going as friends, but remember Jeb, “Friends don’t make friends want to cry.”

Grade: F#

Garrett Lee ’11 and Khadijah Owens ’11

Garrett and Khadijah are going to prom? #ewsrsly? #forealtho.

Grade: -?

Jay Dolan ’11 and Katherine Woonton ’11

Katherine’s been studying the Deerfield game footage diligently, so she should score with ease.

Grade: 21-5

Ashley Hess ’11 and Ben Scharf Jeremy Hutton ’11

Rough Draft Grade: 6

Final Project Grade: 3.5

Katie Hess ’11 and Calvin Aubrey ’12

Katie, “We can’t do this here.”

Grade: 5.3

Ben Ho ’11 and Sarah Onorato ’11

Life of the party right here. You guys seriously need to calm down! No more jokes!

Grade: Sportz

Anthony Tedesco ’12 and Kellie Walsh ’11

Hooz reddy fah a wicked stellah night?

Grade: Foahh

Kerry Joyce ’11 and Cameron Hastings ’12

Cameron and the remnants of the Morse Door have teamed up to protect Kerry with pride and vigilance. You go Cameron! You go.

Grade: 5.8

Kevin Song ’11 and Amanda Wang ’11

Have no fear, the Techmasters are here!

Grade: 3.5

Kristina Ballard ’11 and Fred Shepard ’10

Apparently, Prom will be doubling as their wedding reception. Everyone bring gifts!

Grade: 3

Colton Dempsey ’12 and Haley Scott ’11

Eyes up, Colton. There’s always time to retake that Chemistry class you two failed last year…

Grade: 6

Ricky Goldstein ’12 and Kendall MacRae ’11

After making the stupid decision (multiple times) of getting close to guys from Sports, Kendall has finally found the section of The Phillipian where she can get herself a real man.

Grade: 6

Patrick Brady ’11 and Brianna Barros ’12

“Hey Brianna, I’ll bring the stool, you’ll bring the flats?”

Grade: 5

Ryan Gaiss ’11 and Sheya Jabouin ’11

At this point Ryan, why don’t you just join Slam?

Grade: 4.8

Ricky Marcotte ’11 and Kristina Rex ’11

Ricky is a tenor, but his moan is a soprano

Grade: 2

Madeleine Kim ’12 and Zac Elder ’11

You know what they say, ask her out in the Top 10 and…

Grade: Awesome

Charlie Cockburn ’11 and Kendall Goodyear ’12

Wait. You guys are dating? We thought you were just surgically attached at the hand.

Grade: Please stop.

Aneissa Urias ’11 and Jon Bakken ’12

And the award for best unexpected couple goes to…

Grade: 5.8

Charlotte Cleveland ’11 and Joe Kruy ’12



Elina Segreto ’11 and Brandon Sneider ’12

This was nevitable after she watched him weigh in in just spandex all winter.

Grade: Pin

Jackie Lender ’11 and Mike MacKay ’11

That cabinet sure got hot and stuffy nice and quick

Grade: 2

Katie Fanikos ’11 and Alex Smith ’12

They’ll dance until they pass out in their own vomit. And like it.

Grade: 2K

Kemi Amurawaiye ’11 and Jonathan Westling ’12

Hey Kemi, here are the ups and downs that come with attending prom with Jon Westling: 1st up: he sings and plays the guitar. 1st down: he sings and plays the guitar. 2nd up: he lives in Fuess. 2nd down: he lives in Fuess.

Grade: 2

Alex Salton ’11 and Brenna Liponis ’10

Couldn’t find a date who goes here, Salton? It’s probably because of those sweaty palms.

Grade: 4

Tebs Maqubela ’11 and Shannon Adams ’12

We hear Tebs promised to take a full two more dreads out of his face for photos. Maybe we’ll finally get the chance to see part of his face.

Grade: 3.4

Charlie Oliva ’11 and Sammy Marrus ’12

Grade: 3.8

The best body in the school… oh and Sammy.

Charles Horner ’12 and Julie Cachia ’11

Well, I’m sure he’s a really nice guy…

Grade: 4

Ben Green ’11 and Julia Quinn ’12

Hey Julia, why’s your uncle wearing a tux?

Grade: 35

Margaret Curtis ’12 and Jake Roberts ’11

He’s no tree, but he’ll do.

Grade: 4

Sam Lessard ’11 and Borkeny Sambou ’12

Sam: crushin’ PREV. Nice.

Grade: 2012

Chris Cameron ’11 and Shannon McSweeney ’11

Chrissy Wissy wuvs Shanny. Shanny wanny wuvs Chrissy.

Grade: Preschool

Tim Marchese ’11 and Grace Hoyt ’11

Hey, the grade also happens to be the number of successful, calm years they have spent together.

Grade: 4

Will Walker ’11 and Sarah Freedman ’12

Hey Sarah, are you going to Free Walker’s Willy? That will certainly

turn a couple of heads and shafts.

Grade: L-A-X

Georgia Pelletier ’11 and Jack Sykes ’12

Georgia, we want to take this space to roast you yet again for going with Du last year. We’ll get you for Sykes in the 2012 and 2013 roast.

Grade: 5

Dom Chang ’11 and Elizabeth Goldsmith ’11

Grade: Green

Elizabeth is going to wear a hemp dress, and then Dom is going to smoke it.

Grade: 0

Brendan Rankowitz ’11 and Alex Kiss-Rusk ’12

“Hey! It’s Brendan and Kendall. Kendall, you’ve grown since I last saw you!”

Grade: HGH

Emily Rademacher ’11 and Tyler Jennings ’10

No Emily. You can NOT wear sweatpants under your dress.

Grade: 4

Jon Na ’11 and Selina Jan ’12

After Jon Na was told to go to prom, he began his quest for the perfect dress. So far, he has failed to garner Selina’s approval.

Grade: Estrogen

Nneka Anunkor ’11 and Min Jae Yoo ’12

Hopefully after prom night Min Jae won’t have any “Unfinished Business”

Grade: Yoo can doo eet!

Chelsea Ward ’12 and Jamie Casselberry ’11

I hope you guys have a different definition of “grinding”.

Grade: 1’7”

Haley Erskine ’12 and Michael Kontaxis ’11

We heard Kontaxis spent 2 hours preparing his performance to ask Haley. That was 2 times longer than the time he put into the Green Cup Challenge video.

Grade: 3.7

Daniela Pimentel ’11 and Max Block ’12

We hear that Daniela is wearing a medieval tapestry to prom. Even hipsters will cringe. Don’t worry. We hear Max may consider washing his hair, so that should balance it out.

Grade: 5

Yuto Watanabe ’11 and Mimi Tanski ’11

It’s safe to say that whatever events happen with these two on prom night, Yuto is going to have proof.

Grade: 5.2