The Eighth Page

Administration Cracks Down on Independent Projects

Due to a recent realization that an overwhelming number of students are taking Independent Projects (IPs), the school’s administration is questioning whether or not to crack down on the ones they find pointless and inappropriate.

The school became aware of widespread ridiculous IPs when the Department of Psychology notified them of one called “Dream Exploration.” The project consists of students lying down on a soft surface and entering a semi-unconscious dream state (which in some circles is referred to as sleep), in order to learn more about their inner selves.

Numerous other IPs have been called out for their uselessness in application. “Apples to Oranges: The Extensive Analytical Comparison” is a course run through the Department of Religion and Philosophy concerning the multitude of differences between the two fruits. Designed by Randall P. Blowsworth II ‘11, the IP focuses on proving the final statement of the course: “So apples are just apples, and… oranges are just oranges, man.”

Although some IPs have received negative attention due to their pointlessness, others are just outright inappropriate. For example, student Tom ’12 instituted a Gender Study investigating the mystery of hooking up with girls. When his friend, John ’14, heard about the project, he exclaimed, “Tom that horny devil!”

A list of previously cancelled IP’s has been released and includes multiple instances of what seems to be cases of downright tomfoolery (Tom!). This list included “Modern Media Studies,” the study of the visual and audio aspects of popular television, “Literature of Dav Pilkey,” the widespread research and examination of the Dav Pilkey “Captain Underpants” novels, “Squirrel Watching,” similar to whale watching or bird watching, “Weaving,” weaving, “Effects of Semi-Prolonged Sun Exposure on the Skin,” a spring term only lab science, “The Medical Studies of Germans in World War II,” a virtual dissection of the living corpses of Nazi Germans from World War II using good old fashioned 1930’s artillery in Call of Duty: World at War’s very own interactive medical experience: Nazi Zombies.

Whatever the school decides to do about these preposterous projects, only one thing is certain: not all Dawgs go to heaven.