The Eighth Page

Freshman Forgotten: Found Frosted

By SHIN-JAE LEE On the evening of Friday, February 18th, 2011, melting snow caused by the fine weather revealed a dead student buried in the snow. Phillips Academy Public Safety chose not to investigate until Saturday night, claiming that they had the right to “enjoy the fine weather,” by which time it was “far too cold to effectively investigate.” When investigations finally went underway, PAPS reported that the student was a Freshman residing in Rockwell Hall. After sending the student for an autopsy in the basement of Gelb, Dr. Stern and Mr. Koolen determined that the black bruises and cuts had been attained when the student engaged in a snowball fight. He then took refuge in a snow igloo that eventually collapsed on him. PAPS questioned students in Rockwell, hoping to find out why nobody had noticed his absence. Most students in Rockwell Hall told PAPS that he had been seen outside his room only once during the year and that the only signs of his existence were the vague Pokémon noises coming from his room. One student admitted to noticing that the once constant Pokémon sounds had ceased but did not think to report it to the school. “He had a lot of good Pokémon, and he was a good trainer. It’s a shame all those Pokémon are going to waste away,” said a fellow Pokémon-er also residing in Rockwell. When the deans were gathered at a meeting and told of the Freshman’s death, their initial responses were of shock. “Why should we have to deal with a freshman dying?,” exclaimed a dean during the meeting, his precious time wasted by a mere Freshman’s death. The meeting was adjourned when PAPS realized that the general consensus was that deans were too important for freshmen. After the meeting, a dean explained that the school was not responsible for his death. “It’s a shame he died, but all I can say is accidents happen. We’ll throw the kids a ‘Head of School Day’ so they have time to mourn. We have also recieved reports that all of the students residing in Flagg House have gone missing. We will just have to wait until the spring thaw.