The Eighth Page

Want A Manly Room?

Macho bros get girls. Lots of them. And there’s nowhere better to take a girl to discuss the greatness of WWE than your dorm room. It’s private and it gives you a chance to impress the girl with your knowledge of men who wrestle predetermined matches in scant clothing. Unfortunately, if your macho personality isn’t reflected in your room, the girls you bring won’t want to stay for long. Luckily, I’m here to tell you how to make your room a shrine to all that is macho and manly. The first thing you need to do is to take a close look at all of your posters. Any posters that involve unicorns, pink, or Tom Brady’s hair need to go. On the other hand, posters that have to do with Top Gun, any Western movie or Tom Brady’s wife can stay. Next, you have to deal with your bed sheets. Those monogrammed purple sheets that mommy got need to go. Same for family photos or anything else that could be construed as emotional or thoughtful. Those two emotions are the bane of macho-ness and must be eradicated at all costs. On your desk, your Bowie Knife and Revolver should be prominently displayed, along a photo of you bagging a deer out in the middle of nowhere. Ideally, you are dressed in full camo with a copious amount of blood on your clothes in the picture. Make sure that you throw out that shag rug. That is the least macho piece of furniture known to man. Replace it with the best of all floor coverings: a hide from an animal that you killed. A Bengal Tiger with the head still attached is best. In your closet should be more furs, along with your shrine to Chuck Norris with a signed photo as the centerpiece. Unfortunately, this looks like a small pile of ash, because everything Chuck Norris touches is instantly vaporized. You should also have your collection of hats and belts in plain view. Lastly, make sure your weights are placed neatly in the corner. With this macho of a room, nothing stands in your way of being the machoest kid in school.