The Eighth Page

SAB’s Most Noteworthy DJ Application

Thank you for your interest in becoming a student DJ. Student DJ’s have a huge role in the success of a dance. The music they play sets the mood for the dance. It is very important for a DJ to come to their dance energized and excited as they are responsible for keeping the dance energized and fun. Please send your completed application to as an attachment. Name: DJ Funky Skunk Class: 2014 Dorm/Hometown: Andover Email: (I was in middle school when I made that) Cell Phone: 1-800-PIMP-DADDY Favorite Movie: Step Up 2: The Streets Favorite Song: The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins by Leonard Nimoy Favorite Type of Dance: My hybrid of the Dougie and the Hokey Pokey Three Words That Describe You: I don’t believe in words, but these symbols describe me: ?@§‰ If you could name a breakfast dish after yourself, what would it be? Steamy Sausage Surprise What would your stage name be? Jeff Thinkers 1. Please list 15 songs that you would play at a dance. (Name of Song/Artist) Every song on Now 17. 2. Would you take song requests? Why or Why not? No. I would take song performances. I think every dance could use more godawful karaoke. 3. Come up with two possible themes for dances. Be creative, but keep them plausible. No Gravity and Teletubbies themed. That could be one. Another could be an ABCs dance. No, that is not a preschool dance. It stands for Anything But Clothes. 4. The beginning of your dance was a success. Everybody was dancing and having a good time. Midway through the dance, people start to leave. They are getting bored. What do you do? How do you save the dance? Step 1: Stop the music. Step 2: Use the bathroom while Slam takes over by chanting “no music.” Step 3: Return to the stage and yell “be grateful you had music earlier!” Step 4: Storm out of the dance, showing people they need to respect me. Step 5: Return heroically with a boombox on my shoulder blasting “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta.” Step 6: Play a bunch of songs everybody likes and become the hero of the school. Step 7: Get elected as school president by campaigning as the hero of the No Gravity Dance Step 8: Retire to my private island off the coast of British Columbia with my wife of 47 years. She is half American, half Columbian, half Canadian and all intellectually savvy Goddess. 5. Why do you want to be a student DJ? Why should we choose you? I already just watch people at the dance, so why not watch from stage where I’m a little above everybody else. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that I am, in fact, a centaur. -Sloan Kettering