The Eighth Page

Denied Club Applications: The Best of the Worst

Carlton Appreciation Club We strive to study, emulate and replicate the lifestyle of Mr. Carlton Banks. For those of you who are not familiar with Mr. Banks, he is the cousin of Will Smith on the show “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” Mr. Banks is who I, and the other members of the board, strive to be. He is the ideal member of society. He can sing, dance and has the personality of Ronald Regan crossed with Steve Urkel. We here at the CAC strive to teach the youth of America to become the successful young men (and women) that exemplify Carlton Banks. Our club activities include the singing of Sir Tom Jones records, dancing to said records and looking down upon those less fortunate. In addition to these physical activities, we plan to have screenings of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” in which we will study the movements and characteristics of Mr. Banks. At the end of the year, our members will be fully educated in Tom Jones discography, inside trading, dance and the smooth talking of our namesake. We believe The Carlton Appreciation Club will become one of the most popular clubs on the Phillips Academy campus and will continue for many years to come. Junior Phillips Academy Public Safety If our proposal for “Junior Phillips Academy Public Safety” club is accepted, we will strive to change the community for the better. As JPAPS officers, we would attempt to mimic real PAPS officers and help expand the coverage of Public Safety on campus. Proposed activities include creeping slowly along the paths at night on our bikes, yelling at fellow students for not wearing a helmet, responding to emergency calls within 30 minutes and, of course, growing moustaches. In addition to supporting the current actions of PAPS, we would do stuff that PAPS can’t legally do, such as chase students or taser students who don’t wait for the walk sign before crossing. For an advisor we would like to have Officer Wendy, but she hasn’t returned our phone calls.