June 16: Perused the Facebook photos of some lady friends of mine for 17 hours. Funny, on Facebook they’re my friends, in real life, they’re barely acquaintances. June 21: Huffed a comical amount of glue. Proceeded to bleed out the ears. Made a BLT minus the L and the T. Really, I just cooked some bacon and threw it on a loaf of bread. June 25: Went to a nunnery. Enjoyed their company to an unbelievable degree. What an interesting group of old ladies! June 28: Hurled items (trash, used contraception, etc.) at minorities. Repented to the sisters. They didn’t appreciate my actions. Felt bad. Huffed some more glue. July 1: Finally met one of the girls I’m friends with on Facebook. She looked better in the photos. Very disappointed. July 2: Flew to Italy on a whim. Got upgraded to first class. The flight attendant was hot… for a sixty year old. July 4: FOURTH OF JULY! Go America! Wore an American flag speedo and nothing else all day. Shot fireworks at my friends. Lost a finger. Lots of blood loss. Ow. July 8: Returned to America, land of the free, home of the brave. Got pulled out at security then removed my turban and got right through. Went home to my stockpile of glue. Tasty! July 20: Sorry, I’ve been gone for a while. Something came up… What was it? I don’t remember. The last two weeks were a blackout. Where are my pants? July 23: Switched from crazy glue to Elmer’s. This is incredible. July 24: Made an Elmer’s/gorilla glue combination. That is a blue unicorn with a snake for a tail. AWESOME! August 1: Saw Inception. I am currently in Limbo. I’m bald. But I have a sweet beard. And my world is filled with honeys. 😉 August 6: Decided to try out polo as a sport. Too bad I’ve never ridden a horse and I’ve never held a stick longer than seven inches. Tough day. August 11: Went to my grandmother’s funeral. Was sad. Real sad. August 20: Wore a top hat and an Abraham Lincoln mask. Didn’t lie. Win! September 1: Started preparing for school by bashing my head into a 1200 page biology textbook. Also, had a delicious Spongebob popsicle. September 11: Ran out of Elmer. Bummer. I guess it’s fitting though. Summer’s over. Off to school!
