The Eighth Page

Supervillains: Where Are They Now?

The Joker (Batman) – Put to death after bodies were discovered under his house. Sufjan Stevens will be releasing a song about him. Mr. Freeze (Batman) – Currently working to solve global warming. Green Goblin (Spiderman) – Runs a yearly pumpkin sale in Western Massachusetts with his life partner Steve. Lex Luther (Superman) – Works as a spokesman for Bosley Hair Treatment Ernst Stavro Blofeld (James Bond) – Runs a shelter for abused cats in Detroit. The Penguin (Batman) – Reached widespread fame for his cameos in “Happy Feet” and “March of The Penguins” Dr. Octopus (Spiderman) – Runs a massage service in West Orange, New Jersey. Two-Face (Batman) – Will be hosting NBC’s new game show this fall, “Heads or Tails”. Seven Evil Ex’s (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) – Have started their own improv group at Bunker Hill Community College. Jigsaw (Saw and its sequels) – Works the comedy club scene in Boise, Idaho with his puppet act. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) – Just received a five star rating for his new restaurant in Los Angeles, “The Other White Meat.” Agent Smith (The Matrix) – Works in Tech Support for Microsoft. Darth Vader (Star Wars) – Died of Asthma related complications after watching the last three Star Wars movies. Saturated Fats (Super Size Me) – Still in that guy’s fat ass. The Principal (The Breakfast Club) – Fired after an “inappropriate” relationship with that quiet girl. White Witch (Chronicles of Narnia) – Arrested after her Turkish delight tested positive for Turkish opium. Red Queen (Alice in Wonderland) – Returned to the tab of acid from whence she came. Voldemort (Harry Potter) – Got a nose job and now models sunglasses. -Scott Cuthell