1. Gather a following: Even if you’re Doctor Octopus, eight pairs of hands isn’t enough to piss off an entire city. The best way I found to get a lot of help is telling a bunch of clinically insane or out of work criminals that you are going to change the world through guns, money and fairly elaborate hostage situations that normally result in a large explosion. So I guess you just have to be honest. Ordering pizza at weekly meetings and organizing reflection circles are also good ways to make your guys (or girls) more of a family. 2. Always have a plan: The last thing you want is to kill a bunch of innocent people without any legitimate reason, at all. Try to brainstorm some possible messages you want your target city to receive by the time you are done creating mass chaos. Everything you do should be for a reason. If the cops sense that you are incompetent or human in any way, you might as well kiss eternal fame goodbye. 3. Let other villains know that you mean business: Some other types of villains may not like the fact that you are hogging all the spotlight. Make some grand gesture that would scare the crap out of even you. Self-inflicted pain or sitting through the entire Twilight saga should do the trick. It may hurt, but your sense of accomplishment will get rid of any memories of horny teenage vampires. 4. Drink plenty of water: I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but hydration can mean the difference between a city caving in on itself and just another psychotic nuisance. To find out the next steps, purchase the Joker’s “A Villain’s Guide to Pissing Off an Entire City” now in paperback, made from the last dwarf sequoia trees known to mankind! -Ryan Yost
