The Eighth Page

A Super Narcotics Anonymous Meeting

Aquaman: Hello again, guys. Welcome to another NA meeting. I’m glad you’ve all made it, and… damnit Flash! Give me my coffee back! Well, I’ll start us off. I’ve been sober for seven years and have been in charge of these meetings for the last two years. Alright, Superman, how about you go next? Superman: Oh, alright. Well, I don’t really think I have a problem. Yeah, you could say that I indulge in a little nose candy here and there. But, what’s wrong with a little cocaine? It makes me feel like I can fly—like I’m invincible! Robin: But you can fly! And you are invincible! Ungrateful jerk. I was just some dumb sidekick to you. I never meant anything. I loved you, Clark! Superman: I am? Aquaman: Yes, Superman, you are invincible. Except to kryptonite. Moving on… Batman? Batman: Yeah, hello group! I was addicted to heroin. I’ve been clean three years now and haven’t thought about using drugs for over eight months. I couldn’t have done it without you. Robin: See! Now, he knows how to appreciate some sidekicking. Apparently, Clark just doesn’t get it. Superman: Oh come on Robin. We had a wonderful working relationship. I just never wanted it to expand to the bedroom. Batman: Guys! It’s my time to talk. Aquaman: He is right. Batman, go ahead. Batman: And since I’ve stopped using drugs, I’ve reconciled with The Joker and The Penguin. It’s been a really good time in my life. And I’ve finally confronted my feelings about my parents’ deaths. Aquaman: Well Wonder Woman, you’ve been really quiet today. What’s up? Wonder Woman: Yeah… I went on a date with this guy, Todd. And he hasn’t called me ba— Superman: See guys. This is why I said no women in the Justice League! -Jesse Bielasiak