The Eighth Page

A Modern Interpretation of the Social Dynamics in an American High School

Hello, all froshmeat. Welcome to the wondrous world of Andover. Phillips Academy. PA. We call ourselves the Big Blue, but we go by many names. Smurfs. Catboners. We are all unique and our diversity is displayed by the very, shall we say, unique people. I would like to cover some of the many personalities you will encounter at the beginning of school. The Alpha Dog: Big man on campus….at his old school. And he will make sure to bring up how cool he was at said previous school every possible moment. He will make references to people nobody knows, tell stories nobody can relate to, and not really care, just as long as you know how cool he used to be. Guitar Kid: Shirt optional. Jeans necessary. Birkenstocks? Quite possibly. What Guitar Kid doesn’t realize is that all college movies lie. Girls do not flock to acoustic guitar players, especially when the songs you can play are limited to Smoke on the Water, Hot Cross Buns, and a 30 second part of Stairway to Heaven. Ping Pong Champ: Whether or not this kid is cool is up in the air, but one thing is for sure, he is a ping pong phenom. He has probably brought his own paddle from home, normally the squishy type. He will dominate the table for the first week during the ping-pong craze, impressing all the ladies with his speedy serves and incredible spin shots. His 15 minutes of fame will be up after the stench of the Rockwell common room overwhelms the females and they no longer go down there. Bros: These are the most important for your social life at PA. I will take you from feet to head of a bro. Asics running shoe, white, and untied. Crispy white Nike midcalves . Baggy lacrosse shorts with some ridiculous name and design on them. Under Armour shirt with a college name (Duke, UVA, Middlebury, or an Ivy.) Flat brim or snap back hat turned backwards with the brim up, and their flow streaming around the hat. Bros cluster together and talk about how bro they are. They are harmless. With this invaluable knowledge of a few characters you are sure to meet, you are completely ready for school. -Colton Dempsey