The Eighth Page

Some Special Announcements From the Dean of Students Office

Below is a list of new school rules that are intended to help make this Spring term the best and safest term ever. • Due to a large rat infestation on campus, food from Commons or the Den is not to be removed from the Commons building. • The game of “Tenni-Golf” or “Tennis Golf” shall no longer be called by those names. Due to complaints by the varsity Golf team, the game shall lose all reference to golf and shall instead be called “Frat Boy Stick Ball”. • All Seniors will have an extra course entitled, “Making Wise Choices at College.”This extra course will meet four times a week with an extended period. There will also be required viewings of movies at least once a week. • Playground Games will be discontinued. All students currently enrolled in Playground Games will either be switched into track or a new sport called Gunga Sprints, similar to Gunga fit, except with more sprints. • In a new A Greener Blue program, students will be prohibited from walking, laying, or even touching the grass on campus. • The Dean of Students has determined that lacrosse jerseys and boxers do not live up to the acceptable attire rules of the school. As such, a certain dorm may no longer wear nothing but their dorm attire around campus. • The terms of senior probation have been altered. According to the new terms, any senior who receives a single cut after May 1st will not receive a diploma. Diplomas will be given out to those seniors after they return next fall and serve a week of academic probation. • All lawn chairs will be confiscated and burned in front of the Library. • Uppers who do not make honor roll this term will lose the privilege of having a college counselor. The college counseling office is busy and they don’t have time for kids who aren’t getting into college anyway. • Starting in May, All-School Meeting will go into May Madness mode. During May Madness, ASM will occur at its normal time as well as Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. ASM will feature lectures from Alumni from the class of 1910 who will discuss the awkwardness of their 100-year reunion. • AP week will now be called “Extended fun with the college board” week. -Scott Cuthell