The Eighth Page

Musings . . . with Andrew Wilson

To those celebrities with a “room for their shoes,” it’s not a room for your shoes: it’s a closet. Honestly, you walk in once or twice a day to pick out your shoes, just like you do with your clothes, and you don’t call that a “room for your clothes,” even though that would be pretty awesome. Do you realize how bloody it would be if it really rained cats and dogs? If pigs could fly, would bacon be harder to get? If so, thank god they don’t. You clearly won’t be here in “like 2 seconds” so why don’t you try again and give me something a little more realistic. Personally, getting catbonered actually makes my day. If AHS kids are trying to ruin it, they should try throwing an actual catboner at me, instead of just calling me one. There are a lot of bad movies these days. It’s really not that hard, just make Samuel L. Jackson the main character. The plot doesn’t matter as long as you have a quality scene with Samuel yelling. For example, “Snakes on a Plane:” awful plot, great movie. Sorry to all you ultimate players, but it’s a hobby. Like cheerleading. When I play Monopoly, I always think about how awesome it would be if free parking was real. Then I realize that jail probably would be too, and if America’s Most Wanted could get out by simply rolling doubles or paying $50, that wouldn’t be good. If I said “Put me in, Coach” to any of my coaches, they would probably bench me. We need some new cheers, because by now, I think Exeter knows we eat primarily red meat, especially after the 50 times we did that cheer on Andover/Exeter day this year. One great thing about PA is the giant metallic penis. There are a hell of a lot of ways to pick up soap in jail, so you wouldn’t get…well ya know…. The guy who first ate lobster must have been really hungry. Every guy seems to hate boy bands, yet most can sing the chorus of at least one Backstreet Boys song. Come on guys, just embrace it. Bring back the boy bands! A gold star if you have made it this far. I think there should be a new category for the Grammy’s “Best Featured Artist.” That would almost certainly go to Lil Jon or T-Pain. Lil Jon you have my vote all the (YEAH!) way, ok LJ, stop interrupting me. I’m supposed to (YEAH!) help you. (YEAHHHHHH!) There have been plenty of inventions better than sliced bread. In fact, sliced bread really wasn’t that great an invention. Just cut it yourself. Sometimes I turn upside down pennies face up. I am proud to provide luck for someone. You know when you run into someone, and you both step left and right at the same time trying to get around each other but end up right in front of each other again? Sometimes I try to keep it going just for fun… I’m really lonely.