The Eighth Page

Look of the Week: Meredith Simmons ’10 Freaky Shoulder Fetus Girl

You think you know how people dress. You think you know what people are wearing just by “looking at them.” You may even think you saw someone else wearing the same North Face jacket just a few minutes before. You don’t. You didn’t. Thank god the Farts section is here to tell you. To really expose you to the fashion world, we have the look of the week. As you know, Andover is absolutely crawling with mindless lemmings that have no idea how to dress. “It’s cold. I want to wear a jacket.” Stop being an idiot, idiot. This week we have chosen Meredith Simmons ’10 to express how the clothes on her back mean so much more. Meredith says her greatest inspiration is her twin sister, Donatella. With this, she lifts up her sleeve to reveal a lump on the back of her right shoulder. Donatella is the twin, “her soul engulfed” in the womb. So hot. Strong shoulder pieces are so in this season. Looks like someone has been keeping up with her Vogue! Meredith says she named Donatella after the goddess herself and that her parents insist she get Donatella removed. Besides the extra few pounds, sounds to us like Donatella is definitely a fashion do! As you have indubitably seen around campus, Meredith’s signature fashion statement is to cut holes out of her tops to let Donatella shine. Hey, a little extra skin never hurt anybody. Just a little bit of sexiness is alright as Meredith has found the perfect balance between feminine and classy. She gets an A+ from the Arts section! Of course, not to be forgotten, is that fashion is an art. Meredith likes to find inspiration from original places like celebrities, magazines, and music. She can often be found wearing such original pieces as jeans with holes already in them, a hat that doesn’t keep your head warm, or concert shirts from bands she doesn’t listen to. She can often be seen wearing her signature Abercrombie jeans covered in red paint, to illustrate her passions against the sweatshop labor that goes into making the pants. Michelle says she owns over twenty pairs of these jeans because she feels so strongly about the company’s wrongdoings. “The only company in the world that doesn’t use any immoral labor is American Apparel,” she says. (She also had no comment concerning the numerous sexual harassment allegations against the founder of American Apparel, as he is “a god who can do whatever he wants.”) Of course, it had to be asked how long Meredith takes to get ready each morning. She responds, “Oh, I don’t even think about it at all. It just flows naturally.” We then asked her for a more measurable answer to which she responded, “around five hours.” To compensate for such a time-consuming venture, Meredith admits that she has let her grades slip to make space for this important aspect of her life. In fact, she failed out of Andover last term and is no longer a student here. Oh… Oops!