The Eighth Page

Musings with… Jesse Bielasiak

I have an issue with the phrase “I need to go get a breath of fresh air.” No one ever actually goes outside and takes just one breath; they go outside for a minute or two, and that’s probably 40-50 breaths. And who goes out to breathe non-fresh air? Have you ever seen MTV’s “Cribs?” Did they produce several million copies of “Scarface” and ship them out to every person who ever might possibly end up on “Cribs?” There’s not one person on that show who does not own it and adore it. I’ve always wanted to be famous, and I realized the crazier you are the more likely you are to be famous. And if being crazy fails, then I can always just go on a reality show. Is there anything cooler than cute animals? Otters, puppies, pandas, etc. all rock. Even those pesky rodents can do it sometimes too. Like the hamsters in the new Kia Soul commercial. They make me want to buy a Kia. Wow, never thought I’d say those words. Who would win a crazy celebrity contest? Gary Busey, Joaquin Phoenix or Britney Spears? We need to make that happen. A vice is a bad habit or quality. Does that mean the vice-president is just a bad version of the president? That doesn’t seem good if anything happens to the prez. I think it’s a bad sign we call the place where we get our genetics a gene pool. Do we need a lifeguard to protect it? Drugs and alcohol always have absurd, scary street names. I don’t want to do anything called the Russian Electric Bazooka; that just doesn’t sound safe. Would you rather have a good economy and outrageously high gas prices, or be in a recession with low gas prices? We just can’t win, can we? You know what a really ugly, rainy day reminds me of? A day when you’re having an awesome day, and then your best friend eats your sandwich and your girlfriend dumps you… then a bird poops on you… while you’re looking into the sky with your mouth open… Someone actually created and maintains F their life. How do I get into AP Lunch? I haven’t made it out of Lunch-100 in five terms here. There’s nothing better than hearing one of your favorite songs from sixth grade, and it just takes you back. To before acne, when you had friends, wore knee-high socks, didn’t get grounded for getting 3’s, before girls (or guys), and back when the only worry in the world was when the next Pokemon game was coming out.