The Eighth Page

News

Last week, three Phillips Academy students saw their hard work, perseverance, and months of sucking up pay off. Executive Editor Juliet Liu and Editors Melissa Yan and Shane Bouchard say they are “excited” to run articles that people will only read the headlines for while using the bathroom. “We can’t wait to get started as editors,” said Liu in a face-to-face interview with herself. “In fact, I’m looking forward to writing our token weekly article on sustainability tonight.” “Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Sustainability is great!” Liu added as she paraded around the newsroom pretending to wave around a copy of The Phillipian. Yan, a former News Associate, and Bouchard, a former associate for the extinct woolly mammoth that was In-Depth, appeared happy about their newly acquired positions. “I’m happy, sure,” said Bouchard. “But what we need is way more confusing graphs and extraneous pie charts like we had in In-Depth. I can’t just do plain old articles, it’s too much excitement for me.” Yan added, “If we had it our way, we’d have no pictures or colors. No title either. Just a sad death pit of grey. That’s the way we like our news here.” Liu, Bouchard and Yan then laughed hysterically, went outside, and burned small insects with a magnifying glass.