The Eighth Page

Musings with… Ryan Yost

How is it possible for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s accent to become worse the longer he has lived in the U.S.? At some point in my life, I want to create a type of peanut butter that doesn’t stick to the roof of your mouth. Then, the cure for cancer. Is there any purpose for a cape? Batman and Superman seem to think so, but I’m gonna need some convincing. Sharks have developed the ability to jump out of water. Where can anyone be truly safe? Pokemon = awesome, Yu-Gi-Oh = awesomer, Digimon = What? Does anyone play this game? There’s a show too?! Casper cannot be the only friendly ghost. After reading Dr. Suess, I would frequently check under my hat for a cat. I am sorry to say that I have never been successful in finding a cat in my hat. But when that magical day finally arrives, tears will run down my face, and everyone shall hear of my cat, and the hat from whence it came. It only took God seven days to create the Earth. You’d think he/she would maybe double check all of his/her work. A lot of people seem to ask whether a zebra is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. I want to know how that first horse and skunk were able to produce offspring. Pluto was recently categorized as a dwarf planet. I think it prefers to be called a little person planet. The fanny pack is coming back. I know it, and Hulk Hogan knows it. Keanu Reeves is an inspiration to us all. A man with no talent in his profession was able to become one of the highest grossing actors of all time. I love it when 90s pop rock songs come on the radio. It’s kind of like when you get a batch of grapes, and there aren’t a ton of mushy ones; you know, the ones which can’t decide whether they want to be grapes or raisins. In my early childhood, I watched a movie; Kazaam. It was about a kid and his 7 foot, 340 pound genie. That genie, was Shaquille O’ Neal. Febreze: when you’re just too tired to take a shower. Do you think the Oxyclean guy makes a lot of money? If I grow an awesome beard and develop a voice that embeds itself into once pure minds, I’m gonna be that guy. I’m sick of watching the Golden Globes, Emmys, etc. When will commercial actors be recognized? I propose an awards ceremony much like the Academy Awards, but which is presented in small 3-5 minute intervals. “To be, or not to be?” It’s the question, I’m just not sure what the hell it’s asking.