The Eighth Page

Things Overheard During Thanksgiving Dinner

10 “Hey Uncle John, what happened to your other wife?” 9 “You know, eating a ‘Butterball’ turkey sounds a lot less appetizing than eating a normal turkey.” 8 “Grandma Doris? Grandma Doris! Are you okay? Wake up! The pie isn’t a pillow! Grandma Doris! And Grandpa, the turkey isn’t a hat!” 7 “So who wants to go wake up with me at 3:30 a.m. tomorrow to buy some cheap, useless stuff at Best Buy?” 6 “Dear, I think you should ease off that extra helping of pumpkin pie. You’re getting a bit too big for all of our tastes.” 5 “Pass the fried giblets, please.” 4 “Why does the stuffing smell like beer? Wait. Oh, God. Someone go check on Aunt Sheila, she’s drunk in the kitchen again.” 3 “Tell your Aunt Gertrude to stop doing that on the table.” 2 “While we’re all eating, lemme tell you guys about my colonoscopy last Thursday.” 1 “Shut up and eat your turkey.”