Employee Lounge Joe: Hey, Sam. Can I talk to you for a minute? Sam: Sure, Joe. What’s on your mind? Joe: Did you by any chance take a peach, fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt from the fridge, Sam? Sam: Uh, no. Of course I didn’t. I know how much you love your yogurt. Everyone does. Your threatening emails made it very apparent that you have a passion for yogurt. Joe: If everyone knows, then why did some bum steal one of my yogurts? Sam: I don’t know. Just take it easy. Joe: I come in here every day and work my little caboose off, trying to make this world a better place. I don’t ask for praise or thanks, but for the enjoyment of a little peach, fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt during my lunch break. Sam: I don’t really think you make the world a better place. You write warning labels for child-sized rifles! Joe: Don’t push me, Sam. I’ve got a warning label on me. It says, “Do not make angry. You will not like me when I am angry. Also, contents may be hot. If you experience an erection lasting for more than four hours, please consult your physician.” Sam: [Mumbling] I hope there’s an expiration date, too. Boss’s Office Boss: Bill… you’re probably wondering why I brought you in here today. Bill: Actually Sir, I think it’s pretty obvious why I am here today. Let me tell you, I am so thrilled for this promotion that I actually just soiled myself. Excuse me for a moment. (About a moment later) Ok, I’m all cleaned up. Dry as a desert down there. Boss: You seem to be confused. You are by far, without a doubt, our worst employee ever. You come in hours late every day, take long lunch breaks, leave early and don’t work at all during the few minutes you’re in your cubicle. Need I remind you of the copy machine incident? Sally from Sales still has to eat from a tube and Bob will never be able to smell again! Bill: First of all, it was the copy machine’s idea. Second of all, I have poured my sweat, tears, and the occasional bad cup of coffee into this company. I would be nothing without “Salt-N-Pepa’s” salt and pepper shakers. Boss: I’m sorry. But you are not cut out to do this job. Please clear out your things by the end of the day. Bill: Fine, sir. I will leave my cubicle, but my heart will remain. I have so many memories and so much love for this place that it would be impossible for me to part from it without a piece of my soul being taken away from me. Boss: Bill, you’ve been here for three weeks. Now get out of my office before I call security. Bill: You’re gonna be sorry. I’ll have my vengeance, and you will be forced to endure the pain that you have caused me. Boss: Is that a threat, Bill? Bill: No, it’s “an expression of an intention to inflict pain, injury, evil or punishment,” not a threat. Boss: So it’s a threat. Bill: No, that’s not what I said. Boss: But you stated the exact definition of the word “threat” from the American Heritage Dictionary. Bill: You know what… I don’t need this. You are going to regret ever crossing Bill Gates. Boss: Oh, ok. I guess you’re hoping to become some huge billionaire. Next you’re gonna want the whole world to be able to obtain and send information, watch video, send texts, do work, and even play games from a single device on your desk. Come back to reality, pal.
