The Eighth Page

Musings with B.J. Garry

I think it’d be ironic if condoms came in family packs. If you drive a Saab, chances are good that you’re white. I don’t like those bumper stickers that say “My [breed of dog] is smarter than your honor student.” I just doubt that there is any factual evidence to back that claim. Unless it’s that dog from “Dr. Doolittle” who talked to Eddie Murphy He seemed pretty smart… I wonder if old spices smell anything like the deodorant. I’m pretty sure the pun “Nobama” was the result of a typo. I wonder if the Baha Men get requests for any other songs but “Who Let The Dogs Out” at their shows. As Andover students, when we say “I bleed blue” during Andover/Exeter weekend, it’s fine. If Exeter kids say the same thing about their school color, they sound like idiots. Does Morgan Freeman narrate his own life? I wonder if the people who wrote the first ED ad anticipated people snickering at the “4 hour erection” clause of the side effects. The egg came first. I doubt dew from a mountainside actually tastes like the soda Mountain Dew. I think Sam’s Club is cool, but then I wonder why anyone would need to buy mayonnaise in bulk. It’s really hard to sneeze with your eyes open. I learned that the hard way by having an aneurysm. I don’t care what anyone says, I thought “Disaster Movie” was great. I don’t think there’s any deal with airplane food. I think it tastes fine. I wonder if the guy who does those voice-overs for commercials talks like that in real life. I think Sadie Hawkins would be more interesting if gender roles were completely switched for the entire night. You know, instead of just a little bit with girls asking guys. How about instead of just asking us to the dance, why don’t girls buy the tickets and flowers, pick us up at our dorms, wait for a half an hour while we get ready upstairs, spend another half hour waiting for us to take pictures, wait for fifteen more minutes while we get ready again because our hair gets frizzy from the camera flash, walk to the dance trying to force a conversation with us while we talk to our friends, spend ten minutes at the dance, walk us back to get to our dorms in time for sign-in, run back to their dorms only to be late for sign-in, get yelled at by their house counselors and then get put on weekend restriction for the next weekend? I really want to catch a squirrel with my bare hands.