The Eighth Page

How to Ask a Guy

Some people may say that Christmas is the most wonderful time of year. I’ve always found this saying very inconsiderate; those people act like Christmas is a universal holiday and pay no respect to the followers of other religions. However, I have discovered a holiday that really is the “most wonderful time of the year” and that would be Sadie Hawkins Season. The beginning of Sadie Season starts with a boom. Chaos breaks out like a plague, spreading from dorm to dorm. Collectively, it’s all the varsity teams’ faults. The Girls Soccer and Field Hockey players are paired up, and in the spirit of a team, they secretly set up their partners with a boy for Sadie. The non-varsity girls (a.k.a. all the other girls in school) watch with their mouths open as one by one, boys fall under the category of “taken.” At this point, strategizing is key. Now, despite the kick-off caused by the varsity teams, Sadie Season is not a team sport. The entire female population does agree on one thing, and that is that each of the designated three weeks has its own purpose. It all starts with week T-3. As previously described, it begins with the slew of varsity match-ups. Everyone else asks accordingly afterward. Then, in a thick haze of melodrama, enters week T-2, stage right. It’s the last call. Things are getting as desperate as the Great Depression. Along stumbles week T-1 and pampering and primping in every girls dorm becomes an extreme sport. Asking is no longer allowed, for it is considered rude. Such late decisions imply that the girl is too noticeably desperate or unhappy with the selection. Facial complexion is carefully scrutinized throughout the week, make-up and hair are experimented with and not much is eaten. This all sounds easy, but there is one part of the process that makes Andover girls squirm and become weak at the knees. This stomachache is the actual uttering of nine simple, yet incredibly complex, words. “Do you want to go to Sadie with me?” Or sometimes, just one, throat-closing word: “Sadie?” In terms of creativity, let’s say a girl liked a squash player. A sweet way to catch his attention would be to attend one of his games. After a point, the girl is instructed to breath on the glass wall that separates the players from the spectators, and write “Sadie?” with her finger where the glass has been fogged up. The boy will be sure to slobber in gaiety. If a girl is more nervous and less confrontational, she should leave the asking up to her pals. That’s what friends are for, right? She should have her best friend call the boy’s extension. The best friend should morph her voice as well as possible and ask the boy, impersonating the girl crushing on the boy. Usually a “yes” is guaranteed, though results may vary. With all that said, Sadie Season is a time of awkward growth, relationships, obscene amounts of money spent on dresses and time spent with friends. The gossiping, the uncomfortable dances, the blistering heels and the nervous boys are all what make the Sadie Season worth waiting for.