Age: 47 Political Party: No, politically serious Spouse: Michelle Obama (Not angry version) Hobbies: Being biracial, enunciating words, drawing horses Favorite Color: White… is that a problem? Favorite Furniture Outlet: Bernie & Phyl’s Biography Saddam… I mean Barack Hussein Obama was born on April 4th, 1994 to Nyang’oma Kogelo of Kenya and Ann Dunham, meaning yes, he is biracial. Born in Indonesia, Barack attended schools in Jakarta and later the United States. It was at this time that Barack made one of the closest, most influential friendships of his life: his relationship with Bill Ayers. According to testimonies from teachers and adults close to Barack, the two were inseparable. Together, Barack and Ayers discussed their feelings, held afternoon tea parties and were even rumored to have been in a sordid love affair. After four years of formal elementary schooling, Obama’s third grade teacher told Obama words he would never forget: “If you believe in yourself, you can do anything—even become president of the United States.” Having no other suggestions, Obama decided to be a good student and do exactly what his teacher told him. Interests Obama enjoys hope, change, grassroots organization from the bottom up, as well as the occasional pickup game of basketball. Campaign Obama has been running a tough campaign against McCain for the past few months, and the fight has become even fiercer as November 4th draws nearer. Questions of experience, discrepancies amongst policies, and startlingly close comparisons between Obama and Ms. Paris Hilton are among obstacles Obama has faced from the McCain campaign. Said Obama in a recent press event, “I always thought we bore a resemblance. That’s hot.” Obama agreed to accept public financing after initially refusing to do so, but hasn’t seemed to face any blow back for going against his word. It must be because of all the negative ads he can afford to run with the billions of extra donation dollars. Policies In addition to his new tax policy, energy policy and healthcare plan, Obama has some radical new ideas he’s sure will help fix our country, including plans to replace all cars with Indian Elephants by 2015. “I’m confident that I’m the clear leader our country needs,” said Obama recently. “Think about it. Our country is like a Mercedes. Would you trust an old person to drive it? You choose.”
