The Eighth Page

Parents’ Weekend Schedule

Saturday 8:00 – 11:30 a.m. — Go to bratty kid’s stupid classes, realize that every other parent’s kid is a brat as well, share embarrassing anecdotes about your kid being a brat, feign interest in classes just like you did when you were in high school, notice something amusing about the teacher so you have something to tell bratty kid afterwards, lose interest eventually 1:00 – 5:00 p.m. — Walk miles from building to building watching/sleeping through boring presentations 6:00 p.m. — Wait in line for an hour with bratty kid because the idiot didn’t get tickets to stupid bratty kid talent show, glare at watch every five minutes or so, then glare at bratty kid while tapping foot 7:00 p.m. — Reassure self that you’re just as talented as those bratty kids up on stage, they think they’re so cool, you’ll sure show them, if only you went to this high school Saturday 8:00 a.m. — Wake up, brush teeth, drive to campus from hotel, complain about wasting weekend on bratty kid 9:00 – 11:30 a.m. — Clean bratty kid’s room, complain about how gross it is, question whether or not kid is actually yours, could easily have been switched in the hospital’s nursery, make mental note of checking with hospital when back home 11:30 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. — Eat lunch in cage, thank God you don’t have to eat this stuff every day, feel slightly bad for kid for a second, then remember kid is a brat 1:00 – 4:00 p.m. — Go shopping for food with bratty kid, its not like he needs it, he’s getting kind of chubby anyways, a little excercise would do him some good 4:00 – 4:10 p.m. — Say goodbye to bratty kid, when bratty kid asks why you’re leaving so early, start sprinting away