The Eighth Page

Local Student Remains in Hypnotic State Extremely Willing to Remove Shirt in Public, Sources Say

A student left in a fully hypnotized state following Steve Taubman’s performance three weeks ago will have to wait two months to return to his normal state of mind. Jad Finkleski ’12, one of over 50 students hypnotized by Taubman, received a phone call from his mother about halfway into the performance. Convinced that he was not hypnotized, he snuck offstage and walked 20 miles back to his North Andover home. By the time Finkleski’s condition was discovered the following morning, Taubman was already well on his way to a downtown Los Angeles strip club for a show the following afternoon. Taubman confirmed that he is the only person able to unhypnotize Finkleski, which he promised to do during his Northeast Thanksgiving tour. Finkleski’s friends commented on the situation. “I keep telling him that he is flying on the back of an angry dragon in the midst of a Medieval dragon-slaying ritual gone awry, then I snap my fingers, and he begins to freak out and scream at me like I am a vicious knight who is trying to kill him,” claimed Finkleski’s friend who wished to be identified as “Sledge” for reasons of privacy. “Since that Saturday night, Jad has done everything I’ve told him to, including calling me ‘Master,’” exclaimed one of Finkleski’s excited house counselors. “He has cut my steak, tickled my feet, combed every strand of hair on my body and even had sexual relations with a throw pillow and two stuffed bears while on camera.” Finkleski has been the butt of numerous insignificant practical jokes like these. However, while some are using Finkleski’s condition to have some fun, others are abusing their power. “He washes me,” his mother told The Newsly Times in an exclusive interview. “Head, feet, and all the places in between. Taubman says he’ll wipe it all from his mind, so I’m not concerned. The guy’s a genius. What you’re witnessing here is vintage Taubman.” While many are taking full advantage of Finkleski’s condition, the victim himself is unaware of what is going on. When asked if he noticed anything strange about his current condition, Finkleski only mentioned the fact that his hands “constantly smell of Dove soap” and the throw pillows from the living room couch repeatedly end up underneath his bed covers. While Taubman continues to tour the country, Jad Finkleski remains compliant to the will of his peers. His state of mind is an amusing one, but it is also very dangerous. While friends have some fun with him and teachers have some difficulty getting through, family members can only look on and hope that nobody tries to make him buy them crack, touch them inappropriately or brutally murder an old arch enemy of theirs. Right now, it seems hoping is all they can do.