The Eighth Page

Faculty Cage Fight Raises Over $23 For Charity

Nearly 17 students and faculty came to the 3rd Annual Faculty Cage Fighting Extravaganza last Friday to see their favorite teachers fight for pride, prejudice, a master’s degree in sociology and the title of “Titan of the Octagon.” Ticket sales and donations raked in a total of $23.14 for charity. A single elimination format was used and competing faculty members selected the charities to which they would donate their winnings. One of few surviving gladiators, Dr. Richard Lofartski, Instructor in Ceramics, decided to fight for the Wyoming Institute for Iron Lung Research and Development. “I think what they do is very important,” said Lofartski, “Some people say that iron lungs aren’t important. Well, back when I was a boy in the ‘40s, I was on one for the first nine years of my life. You want to make fun of them now, idiot?” Lofartski went on to add, “Plus, they don’t get much money. A little goes a long way for those guys.” The tourney was first organized by Lofartski and fellow octagon enthusiast Karl Jacksen, Instructor in History, who were both inspired to create the tournament after engaging in a drunken barfight. “After that night, we knew that this tournament had to come into fruition.” “This was the first year we actually decided to donate the money we got to charity,” explained Lofartski, “For the first two years, we used to go to Boston and buy a ton of fireworks, so it’s a welcome change.” The Cage Fight remained a highlight of the weekend and the few students who were present especially enjoyed the spectacle. “I thought it was hilarious,” said Jennifer Harlot ’11, “Watching our teachers beat each other to the brink of consciousness was easily the most amusing thing going on that Friday. I think there was a dance, but I heard it sucked.” Some of the more timid spectators were afraid for their teachers’ lives. “At one point, Dr. Lofartski looked like he was being choked to death,” said Garrett Chong ’09, “To be honest, that was scary. I really didn’t like that bit. Okay, maybe a little. He did give me a 3 last term. I mean, he kind of had it coming to him. Actually, I really hate that guy.”