The Eighth Page

Summer Mad-Lib

Didn’t do much this summer? Well thanks to the Features Section, you can now have a quality summer anecdote of your own to rival that guy down the hall’s. Go ahead and FILL IN THE BLANKS WITHOUT READING THE ACTUAL TEXT. For best results, have a friend read off the choices. I apologize in advance if you don’t have any friends. Enjoy! My Summer Vacation Diary By ____________ (YOUR FIRST NAME) “the baby-maker” ____________ (LAST NAME) Dear Diary, Summer has come to a close, and it is time for me to write down everything that I did. Here goes! When I got out of my ___________ (FORM OF TRANSPORTATION), you’ll never guess who was there to greet me: ____________ (FRIEND OF THE SAME SEX AS YOU)! We immediately went to my bedroom, where I _____________ (PAST TENSE VERB RELATED TO EATING) his/her ______________ (BODY PART) for ___________ (NUMBER) hours. I have never had more fun! I got so _____________ (SYNONYM OF HOT). While that was certainly ____________ (ADJECTIVE), my stories get even better! But before I start, let me just ask you this: Have you ever thrown a/an ____________ (HOUSEHOLD ANIMAL) ____________ (NUMBER OVER 1,000) feet in the air, and then watched it plummet helplessly towards the ground? Well I have, and it is absolutely hilarious! Besides dreaming about _______________ (PROPER NOUN) and _______________ (DENNIS RODMAN OR MARTHA WASHINGTON), my nights were pretty unusual on the whole. One night, I went to go to the bathroom only to find my two-year-old cousin aiming a ______________ (WEAPON) at my ______________ (BODY PART) in the hallway. He said that he already brutally murdered _________________ (CHARACTER FROM “THE BRADY BUNCH”; SUGGESTION: MARSHA) from The Brady Bunch and seven baby _____________ (ANIMAL—PLURAL) earlier in the day, and that now it was my turn to suffer. Luckily, I am _____________ (NUMBER) feet taller than him, so I kicked him in the head, sending him flying down the stairs, through a/an __________________ (HOUSEHOLD OBJECT), and into a wall. There was _______________ (BODILY FLUID) everywhere, but we cleaned it up and had a good laugh about it afterwards. Then we _________________ (SYNONYM OF KISSED). Don’t worry, we are from __________________ (SOUTHERN STATE), so it is all legal. Speaking of laughter, one day I was so _____________ (OPPOSITE OF “LOW”) on _________________ (ILLEGAL DRUG) that I rammed my car into an old woman because I mistook her for a unicorn. Think about how funny that image is. There was a unicorn flailing around on the street screaming, “______________! _____________! ______________! (THREE EXCLAMATORY WORDS)” in an old woman’s voice. The best part is, I have to do less time in jail for hitting the woman than I would have had I hit a unicorn, because apparently they’re endangered now! My favorite part of summer had to be when I went shopping at _______________ (landscaping item) World, my favorite store in the world besides _______________ (vegetable—plural) R’ Us. The funny thing is, the store name has nothing to do with what it sells. I bought tons of ______________ (another illegal drug), ______________ (type of alcohol), and “The Clapper” for my living room. The next thing I could remember after that was waking up in my ___________ (room in a house) wearing only a ________________ (Medieval clothing item) and having really sore palms. Anyways, I hope you have enjoyed this little story, which is one hundred percent true. Sorry that I did not have anything _______________ (adjective) to say, but I guess that is just how I roll, ________________ (gangsta nickname). And to close, may I offer a quote from __________________ (one of the founding fathers): “If I had a penny for every ________________ (derogatory term for a person) I slept with, I’d have _____________ (number) dollars.”