As the number of seniors still left in senior spooning dwindles down, strategy becomes even more important. Where are the best places to hide? When should I strike? How can I go to class without ever leaving my room? These are questions that all seniors have been asking for years. But never fear, all of your questions will be answered in my newest book: Don’t Get Spooned: The Survivalists’ Guide to Senior Spooning and other Silverware Related Entertainment. The guide is currently available for purchase at the Andover Bookstore for only $15.99. But wait, there’s more. With each purchase comes a complimentary authentic “Senior Spoon” manufactured specifically for the legendary game itself. So why should you buy my book? Here is a brief introduction to some of the strategies that can help you spoon your way to the top. The word “cheating” is one of those words that is far too overused nowadays, and it puts a negative connotation on an otherwise positive concept. Rather, think of it as playing unfairly to give yourself a big advantage over the rest of the competition that you otherwise would not have. So what if you hold Betty Lou’s parents hostage until she gives you her spoon? You weren’t actually going to hurt them; Betty just happened to fall directly into your trap. And putting laxatives in Mike’s lunch doesn’t help you get any closer to winning. It just means you’ll know exactly where to find him later that afternoon. Intimidation is also very important if you want to succeed in senior spooning. I hear that Upper bodyguards are going at a pretty fair rate these days, and having three or four offensive linemen following you around all day might make some other spooners a little more wary of trying to tag you. And, not everything you say has to be true; you just have to make the other person think that it is. While having lunch with Sam you might just want to casually slip into the conversation that in your hometown it’s legal to carry a concealed firearm without a license. Then, whenever you see him, just slowly move your hand into the inside pocket of your jacket, and he should stay away. Location, location, location. Not every spooning has be done out in the open, sprinting halfway across the great lawn to make a tag. Sometimes stealth is the way to go. There is a reason PAnet allows you to schedule search, and it’s not to find out if your friends are in your classes. Take advantage of your resources. Susie has no idea that you’re waiting in the bushes of Sam Phil for her to come out of third period history, spoon in hand. Don’t think of it as stalking, it’s just all about the game. Oh, and don’t forget to bring some cards or sudoku or something. It can get kind of boring sitting in the bushes all alone, especially if it’s a double period. Some other strategies: • Buy spoons for everyone in the grade and put their names on it. Then you can spoon everyone. • Hire a day student chauffeur. Decreases time outside. • Change your name shortly after senior spooning begins. Then you can never get out. I hope these survival tips help you in your quest to win senior spooning. If you like what you’ve read, don’t forget to pick up my book Don’t Get Spooned: The Survivalists’ Guide to Senior Spooning and other Silverware Related Entertainment at the Andover Bookstore. Good luck to all of you, and may the best spooner win. —Greg Hanafin ’10