Spring has officially sprung, and the student body is roaring with the thoughts of actually having outdoor activities to enjoy. (Not that watching The Office in Kemper isn’t fun). But while many students will be outside enjoying the nice weather, a select few will be hard at work in their newly appointed board positions of some random club. Billy Rae Jones ’09 of London, Kentucky, will be taking over the reins from Jerry Roche ’08, the current president of that one club. Beginning this term, Jones will gain creative control over the entire club, including the rest of his fellow equally unimportant board members. “To me, being president of this here club ain’t second to nuthin… well, other than huntin’ human beings that is,” Jones said. It is believed that Jones attained the position due to his strong qualifications, namely, being better than the other candidates and his unmatched ability to catch fish. Also, Jones needed some more extracurriculars to pad his college resume. “It’s all ‘bout determination. I am where I is today because I saw the prize, and grabbed it before anyone else did,” said Jones. When students on campus were asked about what they thought about the new board, they seemed to share similar opnions. Answers such as, “What?”, “That club’s still around?” and the more positive response, “I thought he died,” were common among the majority of students. When asked about his plans for that one club next year, Jones stressed more involvement by the students; however, Canadians would still not allowed to join. “Look, when I’m out there doing my thang, I sure as heck don’t want to have to listen to them Canadians’ hollerin. I want to go out there and enjoy a nice cold apple juice without hearing ‘bout maple leaves, makeup and TGI Friday’s.” But with the extra step of now needing a registered license to participate in club activities, Billy Rae wants to make sure no one is discouraged from joining. “Getting your license ain’t nuthin’ to worry about. In Kentucky, they just ask you three simple questions. First, they ask if you plannin’ on abusing the license. Then they ask you whether you’re a vegetarian. And finally they ask you if yous like Lynyrd Skynyrd.” In a recent poll of a certain number of students from certain dorms across campus, 75 percent said, “I just don’t have the equipment needed and have never done it in the past,” to get out of joining. 10 percent said they respecfully declined and 3 percent said they would run away screaming whenever they came near. The remainder of the people from the poll joined for an unknown reason. Jones stated that the only thing needed to participate is an open mind and free time to help fundraise for the club’s annual trip to Leather & Lace, Seabrook, New Hampshire’s hottest strip club. “Leather & Lace is one heck of a club,” added Jones.
