“The only mall that’s an exclusive member of the mile high club!” We here at SkyMall have been supplying Features Airlines passengers with our famous 100-page catalog of shiny, expensive and ultimately unnecessary luxury items. What better place than an airplane to buy things that you’ll never use? Please enjoy a few items from our latest catalog. #Pocket Jesus Thermometer Are you religious? Do you constantly wonder what the exact temperature is? Buy the latest edition of the Pocket Jesus Thermometer! With the “PJT,” the Lord is always in your pants and always telling you how hot you should feel. Show Him off to your friends, impress your relatives and pray constantly! But don’t just buy the Pocket Jesus Thermometer—experience it when we throw a Jesus Thermometer Costume into the deal! This is one portable temperature-reading device shaped like a religious figure that you don’t want to walk to the Chapel without. #The Phoaster Have you ever been talking on the phone with your #1 girl and suddenly gotten a case of the munchies? You head to the kitchen, but that gosh darn phone cord won’t reach. Well now, your problems are solved with Skymall’s newest invention—the Phoaster, a toaster with a phone built right in! Great for the busy folk among us constantly in need of contact with the outside world, even while heating Pop-tarts! Talk to your friends while you reheat old bagels. Schedule appointments while you stick your fork in your Phoaster and electrocute yourself! Competitively priced at $799.95, the Phoaster comes in a number of styles, from the “Ye Olde Fashioned” Phoaster to the “Phoaster from the Future” Phoaster (laser beams not included). Get yours today! #iBreast It’s the breast pump that keeps you occupied long after your child has had his fill—it’s the iBreast! The latest in Apple technology, the iBreast brings together the two necessities of life: the iPhone and easy-access breast milk. Every feeding session will be a memorable one. Just remember to charge your iBreast every night! You don’t want your tunes to stop while the baby’s still suckling! #Pre-Rusted Tricycle Tired of leaving your kid’s tricycle out in the rain and only then having a sharp but funny-looking toy for your spawn to get hurt riding? Then the Pre-Rusted Tricycle is for you! We all know parents just don’t have the time these days to make these great childhood memories happen, and it always ends up taking forever for them to have important life experiences. Our kids need to be bleeding now! And what better way to start than with our great selection of rust shades and color schemes?
