Let’s face it. Reading all of the school presidential platforms is just like watching the Rocky box-set; it’s the same thing over and over again with a different person each time. While I have heard many students around campus talking about new ideas and what characteristics they want to see in the president, most of their requests seem a bit out of reach (such as bringing in a “hot Eskimo chick with hairy arms and thunder thighs” as a new Senior). Yet while many qualities seem unobtainable in our next school president, I decided to put my ‘thinking cap’ on for about nine or ten hours to come up with some ideas within the realm of reality. School Olympics: In order to improve the relationship between students and administration/faculty, the president could dedicate a day at the beginning and end of each year to some fun-loving competitions. Some of the favorites would include the “One-on-one Ropes Course Extravaganza” against Coach Mo and the “Bird Sanctuary Bicycle Race” versus the Quattlebaums. But do not be too sure of yourselves, for while a tag-team wrestling match against the Mrs. Chase- Mrs. Sykes combo may sound easy to handle at first, two wooden tables, a few folding chairs, and an unexpected pile-driver or two could quickly change that around. Pearson “Party” Hall: I have two questions for you. Number one: Do you actually care about Latin or ancient Greek? Number two: Is it legal for someone under 18 to enter a nightclub if the proprietors are also under 18? A student-run nightclub is just what PA needs. It would offer a place for students under 18 to fulfill their so-called “needs” without breaking any rules and would also give all student-employees yet another interesting thing to put down on their college apps. Plus, “skills” learned here would prove useful for college interviews and for quickly bringing that 3+ up to a solid 6. Rename Buildings: While Samuel Phillips surely is important to the history of our school and George Washington is a somewhat central figure in our nation’s history, it must be taken into consideration that they have also been dead for about 200 years. It seems as though more modern names are in order so that kids can relate to the school better, and some examples that I thought of were as follows: Weird Al Hall, The Derek Zoolander Science Center For Kids Who Can’t Do Science Good, and The Chuck Norris Archaeology Museum. Just a few thoughts. Well, I’ve said my piece. And just as I one day hope to touch a girl, I also one day hope to change the community. Thanks for listening—I hope I haven’t taken up too much of your time.
