The Eighth Page

Freshmen Archetypes

As we slowly ease into Winter Term, many upperclassmen will start to notice that the new freshmen class isn’t as new anymore. Maybe you know some freshmen by sight and maybe even a few by name. However, for those of you who remain oblivious to presence of the class of ’11, have no fear—for my identification guide is here to help. Species: Jock Freshmen Natural Habitat: Borden Gym, team tables at Uncommons Identifiable Traits: Usually wearing sports attire and/or carrying equipment bigger than their entire bodies Info: These are the freshmen you’re most likely to see and be forced to interact with. They’re the freshmen who have been adopted by their varsity sports teams, and have intruded into the upperclassmen areas of campus. Although sometimes intimidating, these freshmen are the easiest to interact with and the most socially acceptable to be seen with. Species: Andover High Freshmen Natural Habitat: Uncommons Identifiable Traits: AHS Apparel, laughing randomly in food lines Info: We’ve all seen them—the weird kids in Uncommons who laugh with their friends when they get cereal. They’re the kids who try to blend in to the environment by wearing Andover High T-shirts. They rely on the size and obscurity of the freshmen class to hide their presence, while they do nothing more than steal food. Social interaction is impossible and thus unclassifiable social acceptance-wise. Species: FacBrat Freshmen Natural Habitat: Faculty apartments Identifiable Traits: Usually the only freshmen living in an opposite gender dorm Info: FacBrat freshmen, or “Faculty Child” freshmen, know lots of upperclassmen, but they also give off a strong townie vibe. They are the kids who you’ve seen running around the Quad for years and now you suddenly see them in a class. The easiest way to identify these freshmen is to watch which upperclassmen they interact with. If they know all the upperclassmen FacBrats and they know all the kids from one dorm then chances are you have yourself a FacBrat freshman. Species: Sketchy Freshmen Natural Habitat: Mailroom, outside of Nathan Hale, Rockwell Identifiable Traits: These freshmen just give off a super sketchy vibe. Info: Usually one freshman every year holds this title. He/she is usually found in the Mailroom, whether they are a day student or not. Social interaction is a big offence for any upperclassmen, better wait until next year, when, hopefully, his/her sketchiness will have subsided. Species: Math 650 Freshmen Natural Habitat: Morse, their rooms Identifiable Traits: Usually carrying a calculator, they make you feel stupid no matter what Info: These freshmen fulfilled the Andover Math requirement in third grade and continue to take math for “fun.” They take math courses you didn’t even know existed. Although rarely seen outside of their dorms or math classes, if you encounter one in the wild, social interaction may just leave you feeling bad about yourself. Species: Random Freshmen Natural Habitat: Everywhere on campus Identifiable Traits: None Info: This person is that freshman you can swear you’ve never seen before in your life. You bump into them between classes and during sports, yet you never recognize them. These are the kids that are constantly asked whether they actually go to this school or not. Also, by the time these freshmen become upperclassmen, they will still be mistaken for new students.