The Eighth Page

Awkward Situations…With Alex Moss

We’ve all been there. [Editors’ Note: Where?] A simple misplaced body part, a “your mom” joke gone terribly wrong—such is life. The only survivor of an awkward situation is the equally awkward silence that follows. I’ll be outlining a few more awkward situations common in today’s world. ? The ED Commercial A table of six teenagers of both genders are having lunch in front of the television watching “Family Ties.” Everyone is chilling and having a good time. Enter the ED commercial. No one is safe from its hypnotic grasp. Like a terrible car crash, you can’t look away, but a joke is out of the question for fear of being offensive. Nothing can be done but to hope that the middle-aged man on the television will stop talking about his unmentionables. ?? The “I’m Gonna Hang Home Tonight” We all have a few friends who we don’t really feel like hanging out with from time to time. If they ask you if you want to go to Dylan’s, there’s not much you can say other than that you’re feeling like hitting the sack early, despite the fact that you have no intention of doing so. It makes it all the more awkward when you run into said friend downtown, inevitably leading to this kind of exchange. ? You: Oh, hey…? Friend: Hey… thought you were going to hang low tonight. ? You: Yeah, you know… well… my grandma died. ? Friend: That excuse doesn’t work for this kind of situation, dude. ? The “I’m not Greg” It happens to the best of us. Names are elusive, especially for people you don’t know well. So sure, you may have had French with him for two years, but on the first day back from school, that doesn’t mean you won’t blank on his or her name. Even worse is the self-assured hello…? You: Hey Greg! Long time no see, how was your break? ? John: (looks around in bewilderment and sees no one else in the vicinity) My name’s John. You: (Pauses) Yeah! C’mon John, you think I don’t know your name! Just messin’ with you buddy. (as he playfully musses John’s hair)? John: Please don’t touch me.?? The “I didn’t really want to know” You are on a collsion course with a vague acquaintence. You look up from the path and give the obligatory ‘What’s up?’ As you begin to make your way back to the dorm, you realize that he’s stopped and begun to talk. The Kid: Ah man, I have had the worst day. You know the days when everything goes wrong? That’s today for me. First, I get a 3 on my English essay, and I figure all right, that’s bad news, but I can stomach it, and then… You didn’t actually care how they were feeling, but you’re left there stranded, searching in vain for some kind of excuse. ? You: Sorry, I just slipped on the ice and bruised my arm! Speaking of arms, I’ve got to get going. The Kid: What? You: See ya!