The Eighth Page

New Year’s Resolutions

10. “Fix social security and welcome the Second Coming of Christ.” – Mike Huckabee 9. “omg i gotz 2 stop txting so much lol” – Nathan Hale girls 8. “Uhh… get more maps to the Iraqs.” – Miss Teen USA South Carolina 7. “Radio for backup next time.” – PAPS officer 6. “Pay someone to steal this truck.” – Ryley Roller employees 5. “Go back in time and invent the iPhone. Or kill Steve Jobs.” – Microsoft 4. “Try some of this lame duck everyone’s talking about.” – President Bush 3. “Rebuild the Great Wall.” – Mrs. Chase 2. “Finally go public with Mr. Flitwick.” – Albus Dumbledore 1. “Lose weight.” – America