The Eighth Page

Lawrence Dai’s National Treasure

National Treasure 3: Mystery of Love Plot Summary: For a man whose career is dedicated to breaking codes and solving puzzles, Benjamin Gates (Nicolas Cage) has his hands full deciphering the emotions of his off again/on again girlfriend, Abigail Chase (that annoying blonde chick), as he ventures deep into the ancient caverns and ruins of the elusive female psyche. Assisting Ben on his journey is his always-good-for-a-witty-one-liner geek sidekick Riley Poole (that guy who is way too good-looking to be a computer nerd). In Mystery of Love, Ben finds a copy of George Washington’s old diary, in which he finds in-depth descriptions of the founding fathers’ romantic escapades with his mistress, Martha. Ben is intrigued by this piece of historical erotica and vows to discover more about this thing they call love. Ben uses a various assortment of historical artifacts and trivial facts from American history in an exciting attempt to redeem his love life. Having already stolen the Declaration of Independence and kidnapped the President of the United States, Ben must now take on his greatest challenge yet—dating. The following exclusive excerpts are from the script of National Treasure 3: Mystery of Love. A scene from a seemingly successful date. Ben: So, Abby… what do you think of my 17th century Victorian style powdered wig? It’s authentic. I know because I bought it on eBay. It was pretty expensive, too. Real American colonists would have worn a wig just like this, probably on official business or during social engagements. Social engagements just like the one we are on right now. Isn’t that interesting? Abby: Yeah… that’s some crazy stuff. (mutters under her breath) Maybe if you would have spent less money on that ugly wig you would have had the money to take me on a less crappy date. Ben: What was that? Abby: Oh, nothing. I was just… silently marveling at the ingenuity of the Second Continental Congress. Ben: Ahhh yes, the good ‘ol SCC. Fine group of chaps they were. Did you know that they had 65 delegates in attendance? And adopted both the Declaration of Independence and the Articles of Confederation? Pretty impressive, if you ask me. Although, we all know how the Articles of Confederation turned out, now don’t we? Abby: Hmmm… what? Oh, yeah… Articles of Confederation. Great document. Ben closely examines George Washington’s old diary. Ben: Hey Riley, have you ever heard of this so-called breath mint thing? Washington mentions it here, and apparently it was his secret weapon in a tight spot with the ladies. Riley: A breath what? Ben: Mint. You know, like the U.S. Mint. I assume that’s what he means. Quick! Do you have a dollar bill I can borrow? Maybe we can use it to find some telltale clues, just like we always do. Riley: Here you go. Be sure to give it back, though. That’s the only money I have. You know I don’t have a real job. I just kind of follow you around… what I’m trying to say is… I really like you, man. Ben: Yeah, whatever. So let’s see here: “This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private.” Quick Riley! Translate that into pig Latin! Riley: “Isthay otenay isway egallay endertay orfay allway ebtsday, ublicpay andway ivatepray.” But what does that have to do with anything? Ben: It has everything to do with anything! You see, “endertay orfay allway” is actually written in secret code for something far more meaningful. I believe it’s the Lorenz cipher, not surprising, seeing as the Lorenz cipher was Washington’s third favorite secret code to write in. Riley: How do you know that? Ben: I know everything. Didn’t you read the script? Ben asks Riley for some dating advice. Ben: Hey Riley, is it cool if I just tell Abby to meet me at the Museum of Natural History? Or am I supposed to like pick her up and stuff? Riley: I don’t know, man. I’d say you’d probably have to show up at her house and meet her parents and all that. Ben: What? No way. I’m not doing that. Heck, I don’t even know if Dad’ll let me drive the minivan tonight. I might have to ask her for a ride. I mean, c’mon, how embarrassing is that? Riley: Yeah, dude, that’s a bummer. Ben: I wonder what our founding fathers would have done in a situation like this. Riley: Why don’t we find out? Ben: To the Mystery Machine! Riley: Wrong franchise, bud.