The Eighth Page

Ask Yost

Q: Who let the dogs out? A: I am not at liberty to release this information yet. I’m afraid that more evidence is still needed to convict the parties in question. What I can tell you is that this extremist group calls themselves the “Baha Men” and their members are currently being interrogated by the local authorities, and have been more than cooperative in answering all of the investigators questions. Q: Why do people decide to go to Exeter? A: This question can be answered with another: Where do people go when they don’t get into Andover? Q: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A: The number of licks varies by tongue size, saliva amount, and tongue strength. Personally, it took me864 licks to make it to that chocolaty chewy center. My next experiment will be to test if the taste of Stride gum really lasts forever, a commitment that will require me to take a year off from school. Q: If a tree falls in the middle of a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? A: After several weeks of comprehensive searching in the forests and a few phone calls later, I managed to find a retired lumberjack that had, in fact, been in a forest where a tree had fallen, and no one had been around to hear it. He also claims his father is the King of England and that he can walk on water. Q: What killed the dinosaurs? A: Some people say it was a giant meteor, others maintain that the dinosaurs froze to death due to the Ice Age. Personally, I don’t see how an animated children’s movie could inflict that kind of harm. While these theories may have their so-called pieces of “evidence,” I know only one force that could possibly wipe out all living things on Earth… Chuck Norris. Q: Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? A: Neither. And I’m sick of people asking this. Q: Does Area 51 exist? A: There definitely is an Area 51 with America’s deepest and darkest secrets. What I want to know is what’s in the other 50 areas. Q: Where’s Waldo? A: Waldo currently resides in Santa Barbara, California, with his wife and four kids. He enjoys long strolls along the beach, watching ESPN, and discussing Hemingway with his book club. Q: Is it true that if you don’t use it you lose it? A: The doctors and nurses at Isham seem to think so. Q: Is a glass half full or half empty? A: The answer to this question depends on the circumstances. If the glass is filled and then half is poured out, the glass is half empty, because it is being emptied. If a glass is empty and filled halfway, then the glass is half full, because it is being filled. End of story. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: I don’t know. That’s his business. Q: bigblue27: Wat’s up? A: gunga90210: nm u?