The Eighth Page

William $. Worthington

Father tells me I was born wearing a tie. He couldn’t know this, of course, since he was getting drunk with his friends at a football game while my mother had to have a Cesarean section just to bring me into the world, but the message is still crystal clear. People like me – like us, students at Phillips Exeter Academy, are destined for two things: greatness and not looking poor. On a side note, I hate poor people. It is a lack of style that pushes students to dreadful actions such as removing their cufflinks or wearing a bow tie more than once. Low key dress puts a damper on our image, and it is our school dress code that keeps us serious and keeps our school’s image intact. A dress code is essential to any well-endowed prep school (cough cough), as we must keep up a formal appearance. We can’t have students showing up to school in rags and expect our trustees to continue donating their children’s college funds to our school! My mother didn’t hire a personal attire instructor for me at the age of 12 just to see my classmates and I wear odd colors of Abercrombie and Filth or whatever it is. She raised me for style, and in style I shall learn. I believe that it is the administration’s job to ensure proper clothing and footwear of each and every student here at Exeter. I’m sure that mother would be willing to pitch in a few million for this school to do clothing and style some justice. When we stop caring about our clothes, we stop caring about our livelihood and our education. Father used to say that if a cold man wears the best of suits, he is still cold, but a stylish party-goer is always in the know. To this day I don’t know what he meant by that – he was probably drunk when he said it. He was always drunk. But I believe that his message rings true even today. Bring students back to reality and into a world of decency. The dress code is good. It is really, really good.