The Eighth Page

Overheard on the Phone

Living in a dorm can be difficult. To alleviate the hazards and inconveniences that accompany dorm-life, I’ve decided to live in a single. Without a roommate, I anticipated seclusion and the perfect study area. Unfortunately, the only noise barrier between my room and the neighboring single is a fire door. I had hoped for a wall that was either sound-proofed or carpeted. The flimsy wooden door does little to combat the dorm’s nightly cacophony. The most consistent source of disruption is my neighboring doormmate’s phone conversations. I can hear his side of the discussion with perfect clarity. And from my perspective, he’s talking to himself. This is what I’ve overheard: What? No, he’s not listening. Because he’s in the other room, that’s why. I don’t even think he can hear me. It has definitely spread in the last few days. Yes, I’ve been putting the lotion on it. I don’t know, I’d call it a light pink or a salmon red. Yes, it really burns. Mom! Mom, shut up. Listen. Just listen. Alright. No, I didn’t. No. I will. I will! Okay. I did not. No. Fine, bye. I don’t think I’ve changed my sheets all term. Hi. Delivery. Flagg House. Yeah, it’s at Phillips Academy. 6933. Okay, I’ll have a large pepperoni pizza. An Oreo dessert pizza? Hm, I’ll take two of those. No way! Are you serious? Are you kidding me? She did not. That’s unbelievable. Of course I won’t tell Adler. Keep going. What?!? Oh, man! –Jonathan Adler