Taurus: You forgot to wear pants today. Gemini: You will forget the password back into your common room this evening. If the portait of the fat lady doesn’t let you in, just wave your wand threateningly and she’ll be frightened into opening the door. Virgo: Order your Transformers Halloween costume early this year – there are limited supplies. Libra: Fun Fact: Ten dollars in Ryley coupons is worth sixty rupees. Scorpio: Fergie may have taught you how to spell, but she can’t teach you good parenting. Use protection. Sagittarius: Get a haircut – your girlfriend told me she likes cheating on you more when you look good. Capricorn: If an older gentleman in formal attire stops you on the paths this weekend and starts up conversation, do not act surprised. If you’re rude, the Board of Trustees will elect to leave the dining rink unheated. Aquarius: Your bad hygiene will catch up to you soon. Start taking more showers – they’ll get rid of those white bugs that you find in your shoes every night. Pisces: Take advantage of your personal connections. Make new friends, be outgoing, and blackmail your English teacher into giving you an extra day for your essay.