The Eighth Page

A Poetical Tribute to Star Wars

O Jar Jar! My Jar Jar! O Jar Jar! My Jar Jar! Your character is dumb; Your clumsiness has banished you; O what have you become? Binks is your name, your accent’s lame, you make the people smile. Although others may think you’re cool, I do not like your style. But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red! Where on the floor your body lies, Fallen cold and dead. O Jar Jar! My Jar Jar! Hooray for your demise! The fans they are rejoicing now; they’ve won the greatest prize; We hate your face you big disgrace, George Lucas was on drugs, And when he made your character, his wife was shot by thugs. But O heart! heart! heart! Redemption has been spread! For this, today, we all have joy. Jar Jar is finally dead. The Side of The Force Less Taken Two paths diverged in the way of the force And sorry I could not travel both To be a light or dark Jedi, long I stood And looked down Leia’s blouse as far as I could To where it bent at her diseased skin growth. I took to the dark side with my heart And having perhaps the better power To compensate for my lack of smart. And even so, I still regret to start My jedi training that’s within the hour. I shall be telling this with remorse A long time ago, in a galaxy hence Two roads diverged in the force And I took the one less traveled by And that has made all the difference. “OOO IEEE OOO WAAUGHH!” the Wookiee yelled. “He moans of many things: Of ships and clones and lightsabers Of X-fighters and wings And why the death star has no shield And whether Yoda sings.” “Hold on a sec,” the Ewoks cried, “You really must slow down; We truly are a peaceful race, Our poop is colored brown!” “No hurry!” said the young Wookiee. “You Ewoks look like clowns.” “A tribe of clowns?” the Ewoks said. “Is that how we are perceived? We killed storm troopers left and right While no one else believed. So take your stupid man-bear paws, We think that you must leave.” An Ode to C-3PO Shall I compare thee to the iPod’s hardware? Thou art more efficient and more reliable. Rough battles shake your limbs, which need repair. And Vader’s wrath hath all too short a date. Sometimes too bright the plate of new brass shines, And often is your gold complexion dimm’d; And every language that you claim to know, Is on Wikipedia, which you have likely skimm’d; But our eternal friendship shall not fade Nor lose its glamour from the ewoks’ show; Nor shall your kindness ever be betrayed, When in eternal lines it’s good to know: So long as droids can fix and clean debris, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee