The Eighth Page

This Section Made my Job Miserable

What is Phillipian? Is it a newspaper? Is it a cult? Is it an obsession? Is it Lauren Kelleher’s ’07 illegitimate love child? After a year, 28 issues and a couple Starbucks’ worth of caffeine, I still don’t know. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life (according to my college apps), and we accomplished most of what we set out to do, and learned some great life lessons on the way. Since a wise man once told me the best way to cheat the word count in the Features [It’s Humor now, nignog. –The New Management] section is a bulleted list, here it goes: Steal all of Pot Pourri’s stuff. When you don’t have a budget for office supplies, the only thing to do is take advantage of your friendly neighbors. Avoid legal charges. Done, thanks to Emilio Estevez’s legal skills, and despite the best efforts of the Features editors. (See below.) Realize what is too offensive to say in print, in polite company, or even alone in a dark room. References to urinating in the ball pit at McDonalds (Pete), the bulimic club (Dave), or sleeping with the Head of School (Pete again), make it very difficult to explain yourself to your conscience, or (more painfully) to school administrators. Print a darn fine newspaper every week. Oh yeah, we did that too. Everything is funnier when you don’t sleep for a few days. Except Adler. He sucks. Despite what you may have heard, no does not mean maybe, and maybe does not always mean yes. Sorry about that. 🙁 Follow your dreams, no matter how absurd they may seem. For example, I once wanted to be a newspaper editor, and they laughed at me. THEY LAUGHED! WELL WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, TODD? Thanks, guys [and girls, too].