The Eighth Page

The Master of Kunda: The 2007 Summer Opportunities Fair

As the snow begins to stick and the wind chill drops lower and lower below freezing, it is time to start planning ahead. It is time, in fact, to decide what we are going to do for the summer. So, what are you going to do to get in on the good time? Luckily, Commons recently hosted Phillips Academy’s annual Summer Opportunities Fair. There were dozens of representatives from foreign language, adventure, study and travel programs, and plenty of pamphlets. Now, being the relative genius that I am, I calculated that on a Sunday morning most students would decide to either sleep or do homework. And so (once I had stuffed as many free stickers, tote bags and key chains as I could into my pockets), I took note of the best displays, the programs that I thought would provide the most meaningful summer experiences to the average Phillips Academy student. And so, here in print, I give you “The Phillipian’s Comprehensive List of Things to Do and Places to Go When Your Parents Start to Hate You and are Threatening to Kick You Out of the House if You Don’t Make Some Friends or Find a Job Soon.” Summer at the Aqua Teen Hunger Force School of Business – Summer Session at the ATHFSoB teaches students various unconventional marketing techniques, specializing in “Guerrilla Marketing.” At the beginning of each 3-week session, students pick a product for which to develop an ad campaign. I have been in touch with one alumnus who spent his time at the ATHFSoB working on the marketing of Dell PC’s. “It was a really great experience developing the ad campaign for Dell. I decided it would be really cutting-edge to tape an entire hard-drive to my chest and try to board a flight on a commercial airline. I was arrested, but the business experience was unforgettable.” Students can also take courses outside of the business curriculum such as 70’s haircuts and same-sex make-out sessions. Mozambique is Mozam-sweet! – This program takes you to the banks of the Luangwe and Zambezi rivers for 29 days of fun in the sun with an emphasis on linguistic immersion. The goal of this trip is for all participants to return to the States with fluency in the Kunda language. Mastery of Kunda is nearly as essential geometry or literacy in the professional world. It gives alumni the confidence of knowing that they too can communicate with nearly 200,000 people in the heart of the African continent. ‘Shrooms Across America – Pick highway-side mushrooms in each of the 48 continental states. SAA is a learning experience that will teach participants what kills you, what makes a good marinara, and what makes the purple rabbit do back-flips. Lifelines: A Summer Experience for Troubled Teens- Lifelines is an opportunity for teens to turn their life around over the course of this two-month program. It uses the art of the bungee-jumping to build teamwork, cooperation, and, most of all, trust. Participants will plan a jump for each week, picking the bridge or cliff, creating their own bungee cords, and prepping the site. As far as safety goes, Lifelines has a qualified staff of at least four counselors with some level of bungee-jumping experience. When asked about the level of supervision during the jumps, the director replied with an old Lifelines motto: “Watch ‘em if you’re sober.” After two months, you’ll be so happy to be alive that you’ll never be pissed off at the world again!