I began writing for Features, which I affectionately called “The Feech” (now boringly known by Adler as “Humor”) my Lower year because I wanted to be like Will Cannon ’07. After helping him to write two or three of his articles, which inevitably turned out as elaborate magical adventure stories, I decided that it was time to start taking credit for my work. When we both applied for associate positions, I had actually only written two articles, both in less than twenty minutes. I was more than a little bit surprised when my own editors informed Will and me that they expected us to be putting out the entire section on our own by the third week of Fall Term our Upper year. I vowed not to put my own associates through the same stress, but promptly reneged on my promise when I realized the pressures I would face in the college application process, and challenging senior electives. While I regret not having more time to give to the section this fall, I would like to thank Jonathan Adler ’08 and Steve Bartz ’08 for putting in the effort to make Features beautiful each week. Reader, I promise you that the section is in good hands. Adler’s themes and Bartz’s layouts may be better than Will’s and mine ever were, but I taught them everything they know. As I look back through old issues of the paper, I think of all the mediocre articles that I printed, all the funny articles that I shouldn’t have printed, and all the hilarious articles that I am very glad I did not print. Will and I worked hard to put out tasteful humor every week, and I like to think that we succeeded, most of the time. To those of you whom I have offended, I apologize. Except you, Pete. Everything I said about you, I meant. A new father myself, I have found that editing a high school newspaper is much like raising the family. There is sibling rivalry between the sections, you have to put in long hours at the office, and every now and then you discover that your wife is cheating on you with the Commentary section. Like my second wife, Features has developed an affinity for repeating marginally funny jokes. To date, we have published 37 hobo jokes, 71 references to the “penis statue” and roughly a million shout outs to my day student friends. More importantly, working on the paper has been one of the few times in my life that I have genuinely cared for something I do more than I care for my own well-being. I would put in a second pull another all-nighter if it meant The Phillipian would thereby turn out better. I will truly miss working for this paper. Despite last year’s Head of School day fiasco (for those of you who don’t know, far more exciting than this year’s Head of School day fiasco, but less publicized), despite some board members losing their covenants, despite our being tens of thousands of dollars in debt, the board has trudged on, putting out a paper every single week regardless. For those of you who were on the old board, for those of you on the new board, for those of you who read the Features or even just some of the paper every week, thank you for putting up with me. I love you guys.
