The Eighth Page

The Hot Seat

_Recently, Eli Grober ’09 decided that he was better than the current Features Associates. So he scheduled an interview with the exiting Features Editors Will and Dave in an attempt to fill their seats in the upcoming term. _ **Will:** Well, Mr. Grober, how are you today? **Eli:** Who? Me? **Will:** Ummm, yeah, you… **Eli:** Oh, I’m good, you know, I’ve recently been playing some extra Dungeons and Dragons games on the weekends to train for my upcoming tournament. I really think- **Dave:** Let’s get down to business, Mr. Grober. You’re obviously a bit young for this job, and we have two other candidates who have more experiece, so we need to know what a blossoming chick like you can bring to this section. **Eli:** Wait, you’re not going to let me finish? Dude, I was on a roll there. I was going to tell you guys about last year’s championships! Can I take another donut? **Dave:** Um, yeah, but then that’s it. I think four is enough. We need to start this interview. **Eli:** Interview? For what? Don’t let me hold you guys up if you need to get somewhere – seriously. I’ll stay here and guard the fort – maybe spice up the layout for next week, y’know? **Will:** Umm…those computers are really only for people knowledgeable in the programs we use for editing. **Dave:** Eli, are you playing solitaire? **Eli:** Wow, you guys share this office with the sports section? Totally un-cool, man – totally. **Dave:** Hey, we know, alright? We don’t like to talk about that. We have a troubled relationship with them. **Will:** Yeah, man, get back on track. How many hours per week are you willing to work? **Eli:** Um, how does four sound? I know that’s a lot, but I think I can take the work. I’ve got some grand ideas for this section. I’m thinking we revamp this room. Maybe a paint job, or some plasma screens. I don’t know, I’m really open to ideas. **Dave:** Did you say four hours? **Eli:** Oh, and we should totally get a gumball machine in here. Except we would have to do that thing so you don’t have to put any quarters in, you know what I’m talking about? You just get to turn the knob or something – that’d be sweet. **Will:** Ok, I think this interview is over. We have other appointments. **Eli:** Wait a minute, you don’t have passwords to log on to these computers? We’re gonna get hacked, man! It’ll take a bit of work, but I can totally hook you up with some sweet codes. Check this out. **Dave:** Let’s call the police. **Will:** Sounds good. –Eli Grober ’09