The Eighth Page

Notable Notes From…the Griffin Octathalon

The annual fall Griffin Octathalon continued again this year. Though the results have yet to be tabulated, it looks as though newcomer and linear algebra PG Zhongrui “Jimmy” Wang ’07 may have taken this year’s prize, a Ti-89+ Platinum Edition. Magic the Gathering Competition: Maximilian van Doren’s ’08’s, mana pool was stocked full of plains. He was prepared to strike with the centerpiece of his arsenal, but he was in for a surprise. As he laid down his Golden Zombie of Smite, Merlin level three, he cut his pinky on the edge of the card. He was promptly rushed on a stretcher to the Band-Aid tent. Fortunately he was fine. He took a three-day medical leave of absence from the competition but returned with a vengeance and a mean scar for the ladies. Tech Deck: With his trademark goofy benihana kickflip 360, student body President “Tex” Dameron ’07 took the competition by a slide. Receiving a 9.99, repeating of course, as an overall score. He proclaimed the half-pipe his domain, screaming “Woot! Woot!” 4-Square: Though the returning star, Miriam “Ginger” McCormick, had beefed up over the summer (she currently weighs in at an impressive 230) clearly had more power than the rest of the field. Jamaal “Notso” White proved that technique is the true deciding factor. His incredible wrist control dominated the corners. Chess: Unfortuantely, despite protests, the chess competition was disbanded because of last year’s rook to the opponent’s rectum move. Dodgeball: With loads of support from fans, the dodgeball competition did not work out. Most likely because everyone was a last pick. Blockdude: Strapped with the newest in Texas Instrument’s line, the athletes prepared for head to head Blockdude thanks to the glorious gold-coated connector cable. John Preis ’02 fell behind on level six, but promptly came back with a SICK performance on levels eight, nine, and ten. He beat the game in school-record fashion, six hours and twelve minutes. Gluten-Free Organic Soy Milk Pong: Even though the committee thought this competition might finally be well received by the school, after last year’s Juicy Juice Pong scandal, the student body protested, saying that this was inappropriate. They all quickly ran to their rooms in single-file lines, quoting the E-book’s “being in the presence of” line. Quidditch: After repeated unsuccessful attempts to go airborne, the students ended up running through town with brooms in between their legs looking for the golden snitch. They were beaten up by Exeter High students. (Only the twelfth time this week! Hey, whatever, they’re poor.)