The Eighth Page

Situations and Solutions

Many students arrive at Andover having eaten only in their own homes throughout their entire middle school careers. For this reason, some students feel uneasy, awkward and flushed when eating at Commons, PA’s dining facility. It is imperative that all diners enter Commons with a clear understanding of acceptable behavior and social etiquette. To elighten those ignorant about the necessary guidelines, I have listed below situations you may encounter in Commons, and how to respond to them. These are the tools to survive in Commons. They’re the equivalent of a first-aid kit to a first-aid kit salesman…or a flare gun to a man stranded on a desert island, who happens to be a flare gun salesman. Situation: You order a sandwich from one of the sandwich ladies. She makes it completely wrong, with different meats, cheeses and vegetables than you asked for. Logical Solution: Look her right in the eye, smile, and say, “Thanks. Looks great.” Then drag one of the large garbage bins right next to her and, using a fork, scrape the untouched sandwich off of your plate, into the bin. Next, get back in line and order the exact same sandwich you just threw out. Situation: You leave the buffet line and walk out into the dining hall, but you can’t find anyone you know to sit with. Logical Solution: Toast a piece of bread and look for your friends while it is toasting. It’s easy to spot people without many friends, because their bread is completely blackened when the finally sit down. Maybe make a fake cell phone call to your “girlfriend from home” while at the toaster. Situation: Tim finishes his food in t minutes. Stacy gets in line at 5:13. In terms of x, how many cookies does the Commons staff need for cookie night? Logical Solution: Tim and Stacy hooked up. Twice. Situation: The student preceding you in the buffet line asks for two chicken patties, when he clearly realizes that there are only two left, and that would mean you would not get a chicken patty. Logical Solution: Tell Bartz he can go find himself a new best friend.